Thank you for telling me how awesome I am (*preens*), and for reminding me that baby showers are weird American traditions, and can get a whole lot more freaky and off-putting than my experience was. Meanwhile...
I had coffee with the Lady Professors yesterday. There are three of us (We kicked LP4 out because she talked ceaselessly about herself, instead of understanding that we need to take turns talking ceaselessly about ourselves. Also she started sleeping with LP1's postdoc, which LP1 claims reduced his productivity, though it sounds to me like he was never much good as a post doc, though apparently quite good in bed.), and we became friends because we all started our jobs at Mediocre Institution at the same time. LP1 has gone through two totally normal pregnancies in our time together, while LP2 got married a couple of years ago, and started trying to get pregnant about a year ago. She was still feeling fairly ambivalent about the whole parenthood thing, but they figured they'd either have to take the plunge or miss their shot. Anyway, they'd been having well-timed intercourse for long enough that she was starting to talk more and more about ART. How she couldn't handle having twins because of her back problems, so the ART options were going to be problematic...Then she got pregnant. She's only about 6 weeks and so still very cautious, but I was absolutely thrilled that she might be spared what I went through, let alone what some of you have gone through. I was bubbling over with excitement and asked her to tell us her positive test story. She did, and said that her first reaction was surprise...and her second was to wonder whether she'd made a terrible mistake in getting knocked up.
I felt all my happiness for her evaporate.
I know that this is actually a very normal, classic reaction. It's a totally fair reaction, particularly if you're not 100% convinced that parenthood is for you. In fact, I bet there are women who have endured IF and still feel this reaction, it's so damn natural. But it made me want to smack her. And it made me so incredibly grateful that I'm safely pregnant, because if she'd made a crack like that 26 weeks ago, I would have thrown down right there, and while she's taller, I'm a lot more feisty, and what with those back problems I'm pretty sure I would have fucked her up good.
Ugh. Normal reaction, yes. But I still want to punch her in the taco.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I suppose it's a normal feeling. But the normal thing to do is keep it between herself and her therapist. I mean, jeez.
ReplyDeleteWell that's the difference between the fertile whores and us. End of story in my book. Kind of you not to bitch slap her, even just a little.
ReplyDeleteYou should have looked her straight in the eyes and with a gracious smile on your face said, "Mentally, I just B****slapped you." With no other explanation needed. Ugh.
ReplyDeleteI guess it's a normal reaction, but it's not one I've ever felt. Only "please let this be the one..."
ReplyDeleteI wouldn't have been able to mask disgusted look from her...UGH.
just ugh...some people will never know how lucky they are. At least us If'ers are fully aware of how much we really, really, really want this!!!
ReplyDeleteUnbelievable - she is a whore...
ReplyDeletethe title of your post is VERY appropos bunny!! i'd bet all my money that you could take her. i'm soo extra sensitive lately, that i feign illness around anyone who pisses me off or offends me, and then i leave them. bc to stay around them would mean kicking their ass!!
ReplyDeleteIt's so hard to imagine that this reaction could occur. You are right, it's fair and probably normal, but damn, it's just so hard to empathize. I guess in this community, there ain't much ambivalence about pregnancy and babies.
ReplyDeleteNice self-restraint on punching her.
It's funny what people who haven't been through the wringer come out with. Full disclosure: when I got pregnant the first time, I wondered if it was "too sudden" (a reaction that has haunted me ever since). But I would never have shared that information publicly because I also immediately sensed what complete bullshit it was.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I wanted to say, Happy Year of the Rabbit, Bunny.
ReplyDeleteI don't know what irritates me more, that she had that reaction or that she felt comfortable sharing that reaction with you knowing what you endured for your pregnancy. :/
ReplyDeleteLike everyone else, my experience has been entirely contrary: completely saturated in gratitude.
Ugh. That would have been hard to take.
ReplyDeleteUgh. How annoying. I get that it's a totally normal to the life-changing experience and all, but still. It's also totally normal for you to want to smack her. I do.
ReplyDeleteEr... "normal", yes, probably, but still. Doesn't she know what you went through?
ReplyDeleteAnyways, your department gossip sounds interesting ;)
Preens. Crack my shit up.
ReplyDeleteTell her it is HIGHLY abnormal and that I will gladly take that horrible baby off her hands.
(um. sometimes i feel that way, or some species of anxiety that can at least interbreed with that one. but i certainly wouldn't tell anyone, just the internet.)
ReplyDelete