I think I surprised some of you by announcing I was three weeks from full term. I meant full term as in 37 weeks, which, now that I think of it, is a really misleading expression that I will never use again. I've got six weeks left officially. But that doesn't sound like very long either, does it? Six weeks. Eeep! I promise I really will start working hard next week.
But I can't do it today, as I'm feeling extra in HATE with my career. I submitted a grant proposal that involves a two stage process: submit a short version, be invited to submit a full version. Today I got a voicemail asking whether I intended to submit my full version, due yesterday. Uh...I never received any response to my short version, and certainly didn't get an invitation to submit the full version. So...that's sucky. And I got word that our submission to the Big Conference in my field was accepted as a poster, not an oral presentation, so they can go FUCK themselves. The conference is in July, so it's not like I'd really want to go anyway, but I do feel like evidence that I'm floundering career-wise is beginning to accumulate. And, I learned the partner of Other Best Friend failed to get tenure at his institution. While there may have been good reason, I can no longer pretend that doesn't ever happen to anyone.
THANK GOD for fetal hiccups. I seriously can't get enough of them--they are the sweetest and most endearing thing in the whole universe. While they don't exactly make everything wonderful, at least they remind me how insanely lucky I am. So I'm going to try to shake off these disappointments and focus on my most important task: sending all my good thoughts to Augusta's uterus.
fetal hiccups are awesome aren't they. Love, love love them.
ReplyDeletesorry for the suckiness on the career front.
i don't think i can differentiate a hiccup. baby girl moves around soo much, that every movement feels like she's doing a complete somersault or something. this happens about 200 x's a day, so i've never bothered to try to analyze the different movements. if it makes you feel any better, i'm waiting to have my annual review in the next week or two. and i'm cringing in anticipation of being told that i need to be less b*tchy and that i shouldn't get outraged as much as i do. they won't harp on my work ethic bc they are too scared of me, and my past history of working hard probably evens out the laziness of late, but i do not look forward to hearing that i am a scary, bipolar b*tch. at least, if i hear that, they better give me a fat bonus check as well :o)
ReplyDeletei don't care what you say. i think bun bun's mommy is brilliant and your school is run by doodooheads if they don't give you tenure. *fingers crossed* :o)
I haven't commented in forever, but just wanted to pop by and say GOOD LUCK for the coming month or two!! My own week is here... will be stalking you soon!
ReplyDeleteOh, I loved the fetal hiccups! I always thought they were so cute and sweet. But then when newborn Wes had hiccups I kinda felt sorry for him. Anyway, baby hiccups at any age are better to contemplate than the stupid poster and stupid grant mix-up. May those last 6 weeks fly.
ReplyDeleteCareers. Ahhh... they are so very last year. Don't let it get you down. They are lucky you even show up some days.
ReplyDeleteSwooning at your hiccups. They are so sweet.
Surely you can get more time for the grant proposal if it was an administrative error on their part? Nonetheless, I am sorry for the crap career week, and that P of OBF did not get tenure.
ReplyDeleteFortunately you have the awesomeness of Bun Bun to focus on.:)
Well, seeing as how I've just willfully sunk my career into the mud, I feel like I can say with some confidence (and hopefully without sounding dreadfully trite) that Bun Bun will be a gorgeous, fulfilling distraction from all of the career shite. Not to minimize the work strain in the least...
ReplyDeleteWork stress suuuuuuuuucks. But baby hiccies? The absolute best. For the final weeks they were my best sign that all was well with little Charlie (he was so low I couldn't feel his movements). I heart those hiccups! But now that the babies get them all of the time they break my heart....weird! Thinking of you Bunny and sending you work zen, if there is such a thing. xoxo
ReplyDeleteWorking is for chumps. I kid, I kid! Other BFF's partner not getting tenure has nuttin' to do with you. And the poster...yeah, that sucks, but it has to happen to the best of us some time or another, and you don't want to go the conference anyway, right? So put that in your pipe and smoke it, poster people. And the grant? You had already written it off since you never heard from them, so nothing lost.
ReplyDeleteThere, I fixed all your problems. You're welcome.
No really, these last few weeks are stressful and over-analyzing every little detail of your life is totally par for the course right about now. Like Roccie said, feel good about showing your face around the building and remembering a few of your students' names. It's all gonna fall into place and feel pretty good reeeaaaal soon.
Sorry that the work stuff is playing on your mind. I find it impossible to believe that you aren't a brilliant professor so anyone who says or thinks otherwise is not right in the head. But who am I? Some random internet friend who pops up every now and then? So I realise that my feelings on your brilliance at juggling career & pregnancy are probably not that valid.
ReplyDeleteAnd I have to agree with what JB said above about it all actually working out perfectly. But I get where your feelings are coming from all the same and don't mean to diminish them.
Hang in there Bunny. You are going to ROCK at the parenting stuff. You've already proven (or is it proved? this is where my lanugage skills SUCK) yourself as a professor, a charming pregnant lady, a superb blogger... so "awesome parent" is definitely next on the list.
xxx
Sorry about all the meh career stuff. Especially the not getting tenure thing... scary. Not what we need. Glad Bun Bun is there to distract you!
ReplyDeleteARGH. Just sent you a long, thoughtful e-mail and my computer chooses to pick that precise moment to eat my wisdom.
ReplyDeleteAhem.
I also know a few people who have not gotten tenure. But there were usually fairly clear reasons for that, and none of them were pregnant women/women who had recently given birth. It's not like there's a dispensation for pregnant women. There isn't. But I realized this year (from sitting on the other side of the tenure process) that people tend to take a lot more than teaching-scholarship-service into account. They examine personal situations (though, not in an overtly creepy way:). Also, the teaching is huge. When you've mentioned feeling a bit behind - and meh - about your scholarship, you haven't mentioned teaching. By which I extrapolate that you do very well in the classroom. This is key. And while I know it's just one part of the pot, it's an important part of the pot.
Bummer about Big Conference (but fuck them). As far as the longer version of your grant proposal, annoying. Will you slap something together and send it? Not ideal but sounds like it was their lack of organization in getting in touch with you.
Hiccups:)
Well maybe you got a poster and not a presentation, and maybe your career is feeling like it's floundering (and somehow, I don't think it isn't), but dude, the efforts you put into thinking about my uterus sure produced the desired results! So please, Bunny, do not underestimate your powers. When you put your mind to something, you are likely to achieve it (listen to me, I sound like a fortune cookie). I suspect your career will be there upon returning from mat leave. Just a hunch.
ReplyDeleteFor now, fetal hiccups and final weeks of pregnancy. YEAH!