Monday, May 17, 2010

A dream come true, and a possibility

This Sunday was Mediocre Institution's commencement ceremony. I participated in the festivities for two reasons. Firstly, to enact a fantasy BFB and I concocted almost ten years ago, when I was in college and she was in grad school. In this fantasy, we were faculty at the same institution. We would attend commencement together, sit in the back, and (because these ceremonies are quite boring) drink from flasks we'd hide in our robes. Of course we never thought we'd actually have the opportunity to do this. The chances of us getting jobs in the same place were incredibly slim. Nevertheless, when I finished my PhD, she gave me a flask engraved Dr. Bunny. And when she finished her PhD, I gave her a similarly engraved flask. And this year, the dream came true. We attended commencement. We sat in the back. We drank from our flasks. It was AWESOME. Next year she'll be gone, but at least we had our moment, and that's pretty remarkable.

I also attended the ceremony because my husband was graduating. He's only 20. Does that creep you out? No, for serious, he just finished his MBA. As I listened to the speaker droning on, I began thinking about the fact that he started this program the same month we started trying to conceive. And that things might get better for us now that he's done. Because...lately I've been feeling bummed about things in our household. We have become incredibly lumpish. We spend all our time together watching TV. I probably only cook dinner twice a week. Other days it's take out in front of the TV. He's put on about ten pounds and that freaks me out. Our sex life is not so great. In short, my life has turned to shit.

I'd been attributing these changes to IF and to the death of my father. But...he's been working a full time job that requires lots of travel while simultaneously getting this degree. And while I certainly told myself on many occasions that he was stressed and I needed to cut him some slack, it didn't really occur to me that him being LESS stressed might change things. might! It might actually be the case that life gets better without me having to do anything! HOT DAMN!

Or things might stay the same and I'll just become super resentful. Stay tuned!

(Special request: I'd be grateful if you could avoid leaving me a comment in which you say, SUX 2 B U! I'm so glad my partner and I have an awesome sex life and that my partner is perfectly fit and lively, and that we spend all our time making delicious food and creating wonderful works of art and having intellectual conversations...and, by the way, I have really shiny hair! While I'm sure that's all true, it would make me feel even more ashamed.)


  1. hmmm, i can fulfill all of your special requests, except that i *do* have shiny hair :o) c'mon, a girl has to have ONE THING going for her, right? and my cooking has gone down from 5 nights a week to 3ish, so surely this one doesn't count.

    that's totally awesome that you guys sat and drank during the ceremony. i'm completely envious. i get the *asian flush* pretty badly when i drink, so i'd be a dead giveaway. at my last job, when one of the head bosses got fired, my direct boss snuck in champagne so that our team could celebrate the demise of the loser who left. only, after only 3 sips, asian girl here turned bright red and my boss ended up sending me home bc it was so obviously i had had me some alcoholy during the work day :op

    dh was *in the mood* yesterday morning, and my response: "what's the point?". oopsie. wrong thing to say, but i've since been forgiven. that would mark the 4th time in my life that i've denied him, literally, so that was the only thing going in my favor.

    in all seriousness, when dh is stressed, my stress level goes up a 1000%. so, i'm hoping things are better for you now that's he graduated. umm, are you saying it's lame to stay in and watch tv every night of the week? bc that's what we do. and i'm getting anxious that now that all the finales are coming up, that i'll have nothing to watch once the month is out. THEN, what to do?

  2. My hubby keeps saying that he looks forward to selling our house so he can have some free time to work out. He used to be incredibly fit (hello, he was in the Army), and now he's got an extra 15 lbs and is not happy with the way he looks or feels. It was really hard with the old job - traveling all the time, working 60+ hour work weeks.
    Mr. Bunny WILL be less stressed, will start to feel better, but it'll take time.
    Spring and summer is the perfect time to engage in non-TV related pursuits :).

  3. Just fyi: My husband and I also spend all of our time together in front of the tv. We rarely cook, but, are somehow always eating. He has put on 20 lbs and I don't even want to talk about myself... Let's just say weight watchers is calling me.

    And our sex life... not so great right now. What with TTC stress (after one chemical pregnancy a few months ago) and my cycle being insanely irregular all of a sudden we do NOT feel like sexy people.

    I hope the end of your husband's student life means the beginning of an improvement... I am hoping the summer and an upcoming vacation motivate us to get off the couch.

  4. Bunny, I am so so happy to read this post! Because first of all, I now have a new fantasy (to be drunk in one of those awesomely ridiculous faculty robes-- not necessarily AT a graduation ceremony, tho. I'll pass on that.) But SECOND, because I was a bit, shall we say, 'slightly irritated' by your 'I feel for E' comment (not in any serious way, you're my friend and feelings weren't hurt and intentions were never doubted! But I was a little like "Well!! Whose blog buddy is she, anyways??". Incidentally, I also feel for E. Poor, poor E! A wife turned both insane and barren! Ok, moving on...)

    Anyways, yes. You are right, the stress of E's impending test was hampering our sex life a bit. We were down to perhaps a little under once a week while it was approaching and he was madly studying and anxious about it, and then he took it (he is not starting to study for the next one yet, until he gets the scores and sees if he has to re-take this one), and our sex life immediately rebounded... which I think played a part in why I was so so upset that he refused me on o-day. But that's another story which E and I have pretty much fully explored between ourselves (and the RE appt. is 6/1, by the way).

    Anyways! Congrats to Mr. Bunny, and I am very happy that he is done and now you two can go back to screwing like... bunnies? I hear that copious sex is good for your hair, too. :)

  5. Oh yeah, my point was that I now fully get that you feel for E because you feel for Mr. Bunny and you see the parallels between their situations. Stressed out about tests and dealing with a barren banshee. Ha ha! Fun times!

  6. Oh. My. God. I need me a little flask! My robe even has a little slit in the side so that the wearer can access her pants pocket.

    I hope you and Mr. B have a great, restorative summer and that things perk up.

    J and I finally got our asses off the couch yesterday because we've both put on some pounds. We went to the batting cages.

  7. Your routine sounds eerily similar to mine and KB's. Are you implying it's boring and/or unhealthy? *flies into hormotional rage* Well, no shit, Sherlock, I guess we know. I'm trying to walk the dog more (like, ever) and put in some mall-walking-style time on the treadmill we have conveniently located in front of the family room tv. That's how I catch up on TiVo'd Daily Shows now. Two birds, one lazy stone.

    And holy hip flasks, Dr. Drunkface! I love it. I am just jealous that I never thought of it. *seethes in jealous rage*

    I'm feeling ragey today. Hmmm. Maybe because KB is home sick and I think my mother-in-law may have given us both her nasty-ass cold when we got dragged to church yesterday (mass, actually -- I played the "I'm too delicate to stand up or kneel" card) for a 2-second, name-mispronounced, paid-for (indulgences!) "memorial" for my late father-in-law. Religion, boo.

    But anyway, hip flask, yay! And my hair isn't all that shiny. And I haven't had sex in two months. And also, congrats to Mr. Bunny! And now I sign off from my incoherent comment. 'K, bye!

  8. I love your flasks and your picture just cracks my shit up. So dainty, so educated, so DRUNK. :) Congrats to Mr. Bunny, too!

    As someone whose quality of life is about to change due to the sudden absence of the full-time work/grad school/field placement freak show, I can speak with plain confidence that things will get a little shinier for you and the Mr. School and a regular job at the same time is fucking ridiculously draining, and it totally limits your vision. It's all about surviving the day, you know? I know that this must be a relief for him, and that should carry lots of currency. I actually did some real grocery shopping this weekend around a whole meal plan for the week. I've forgotten what it's like to cook dinner AND eat it with my husband.

    And you're definitely not going to get the awesome sex life shit sandwhich from me, who not only hasn't had regular sex at all this year, but now is actually afraid of sex.


  9. Congratulations Mr Bunny! Woohoo, well done.

    BWAH HA HA Bunny, you are so awesome, drinking in the back row. Love it. Love the matching engraved flasks.

    Let me assure as a working/grad studying/caring for a sick person/infertile that finishing school will make a whole lot of difference to Mr Bunny. He will feel as if he is living in the promised with no courses and text books! Hurrah! I'm sure things will get better.

    Oh and sux to be me, because my hair is only shiny because I have not washed it for two weeks. Yeah. And our sex life consists of sex to get pregnant (ha ha ha) and sex on Sundays when my mother is at the movies. So there.

  10. You're my hero for sitting in the back with BFB and drinking from flasks! Truely 2 awesome chicks!!!

  11. Congrats to your hubby. Our life is sorta similar. We have become lumpish and stay in and watch tv too much. We need to get out more and do fun stuff.

  12. My sex life is more or less MIA. And I don't even own a flask. Shit. Now I feel bad.

  13. I love a good dream-come-true story, especially when it involved hip flasks and best friends! This could be the start of really wonderful days to come, especially now that your husband is going to be less stressed.

    Oh, and sorry, but my husband and I have a lot of sense--most of it practically at gun point. Frantic, depressing, baby-making sex. Fun.

  14. Love, love the flasks at commencement dream come true with BFB!! That's awesome.

    Congrats to Mr. Bunny on his MBA.

    And yea, sex? None of that happening over here. And hasn't since I found out I was pregnant. And then I've been bleeding for a month. And now I'm on doctor mandated no sex for at least another two months. So. Yea. I'm sure your sex life is AWESOME in comparison. And I hope it picks up soon now that Mr Bunny isn't so stressed.

  15. So THAT'S what the folds in those weird hoods are for! It's like having your own mobile bar:) Glad the two of you got that day - it sounds like a fun one. May have to try the tippling trick myself.

    Congrats on your husband's graduation. No more studying, no more classes, no more worry about finishing: that's got to equal a huge reduction in stress. I think it's when you have NO time that you get into the habit of vegging out in front of the television with takeout (um...guilty). But when you have more time, it's possible to figure out a better quality of life.

  16. Ah! This will be so good for you both. Free time for witty banter and haute cuisine! This is GREAT. Well done Mr bunny MBA! A toast to you - bottoms up!

    (So to speak. Hee).

  17. Congrats to Mr. Bunny! And seriously do not feel guilty about you and the hubs just vegging. IF takes so much out of you (and him), AND you just had pretty major surgery! Give yourself a break!
    I love that you were sneakily drinking during graduation! Fun!

  18. Whoops, just noticed my typo. We have sex, not sense. Never, never sense.

  19. Love, love, love the flask fantasy. You and your BRB are awesome. It's funny that what I zeroed in on your post was that part about cooking vs. takeout because we've been eating out nearly every night for the past 2-3 weeks, and my lack of cooking has been wearing down on my self esteem as well (and our budget). Well, if it sucks to be you, I'm in the same boat, sister! Pass the alcohol.

  20. Well, clearly I can't comment on this one, due to my energetic sex life, shiny hair, high level of at-home discourse over gourmet meals, and overall perfection...oh wait. Never mind.

    We sit around and watch episodes of "Firefly" on Netflix. I am getting really fat. And my husband won't finish his degree till next year.

  21. Your engraved flasks make me jealous! Brilliant idea.
    We're both trying to finish our degrees. And to get pregnant. May be too much to ask? (Except that it seems to work fine for other people...) Sex at gun point, as Secret Sloper said so well.
    Hoping that your sex life and pregnancy odds improve soon.

  22. Its funny how hard we find it to see things from our husbands point of view isn't it? No matter how hard I try to be understanding with my DH it always just ends up being my interpretation of his feelings. I am not wired like him, I don't think like him and despite being with him for 13 years I still cannot say I fully understand him.

    And hey, if anyone tried to say their husband was perfect then I think what they really meant to say was "he was perfect for 2 seconds, then he went back to being a normal unperfect person".

    Infertility is a passion killer for sure. And so are many other things (like you mentioned)So you are definitely not alone.

    I think the sex at gunpoint thing sounds like a fine solution. Let us know how it goes!