Bun Bun is one month old today. It's a bit hard to wrap my head around. What have I been DOING for the past month?
In honor of this important occasion, we had cake. I also created a chart representing the intervals between Bun Bun's feedings for the past four weeks or so. Ever since the YOUR BABY IS WASTING AWAY TO NOTHING AND WILL SOON BE DEAD episode in the hospital, I've been writing down the times of her feedings. First it was to be able to provide information for the hospital nurses, the pediatrician, and the lactation consultants, but after a while, it was more about feeling like I'd accomplished something. Writing information down after every feeding makes me feel like my existence has some kind of form to it. And certainly, when I look at it, it's very clear what I've been doing for the past month.
How to read the chart: The x axis is days, and the y axis is a 24 hour period, with midnight at the bottom. Each colored block represents an interval from one feeding to the next. And on the right, you can get some information about scale.
Careful observers may note that:
A) There are usually only 8 feedings per day. I.e., my baby is not driving me insane by needing to eat every ten minutes. That may change at any moment, but while it lasts, I'm very grateful.
B) The first three bars (black-grey)--which represent the dreaded When We Would Like To Be Sleeping Times--are fairly large, typically in the three hour range. I hesitate to jinx myself, but...Bun Bun kind of sleeps at night. Which is merciful and amazing. Of course, we are not necessarily sleeping during those beautiful, long intervals. She grunts and squeaks (and now SHRIEKS) all through the night, all without waking up. Meaning she wakes us up for no reason. So at night our lives are about ignoring as much of this as possible until it seems clear she's actually hungry. (And trust me, I've tried feeding her any time she makes a peep, and it does not work out well for anyone.) I think this is a known downside of co-sleeping (we're doing the in-bed cosleeper): babies are fucking noisy. But for me, the fact that I don't have to go to another room to make sure she's still alive makes it all worthwhile. I should also point out that during some of those intervals, Mr. Bunny is watching international cricket matches with an awake Bun Bun while I sleep. Sux 2 B him. That said, in general I think we've gotten off quite easily for the past month, and I'm hopeful that month two will not bring about any radical changes. Unless they want to be in the direction of her sleeping even more--or even more quietly--at night--that would be okay.
C) There's probably something nonsensical about this chart, like what happens between days. Don't call me out on it, man. I'm not exactly at my intellectual best.
And of course, in spite of the FUCKING DEPRESSED (which I assure you is transient and not even all that frequent, and in fact hasn't reared its head in about a week, so who knows, maybe the moment I finally come up with a good name for it, it will vanish forever) I sure love my baby. I feel like this goes without saying, so there's no need to mention it. And it's also un-sayable, in the sense of not being easily put into words. But I mean, seriously, look at this tiny foot. How could I not be in love with a creature sporting such a tiny foot?
I totally am, heart and soul.