Tuesday, June 1, 2010

New Bunny

I have returned from my trip feeling refreshed in body and soul. My obsession with baby making has vanished and I feel like I've got my old life back. My husband and I rediscovered our love for one another and are stronger than ever. I can tell I'll have no problem pushing all this IF madness to the back of my mind and just enjoying life! I'm so looking forward to an awesome summer filled with fun and productivity!

Psyyyyyyyyyyyyych. Did I fool 'ya? Were you like, Woah, I can't believe that worked? Did you google cheap flight Pittsburgh?

In reality, of course, this New Era bullshit never works for me and I know it. (Which is not to say it's bullshit for everyone, or that it won't work for you--I'm just special.) The psychological switch has remained unflipped. I was stabbed in the heart when I saw pregnant women all weekend, when I watched BFB with her baby yesterday, when I thought about never having a child (every eight minutes).

Still, it was a moderately good weekend. We both got nasty colds on Thursday, so were hardly in top form. But we played through the pain--lying around in our hotel room, exploring a little, dining out. If you find yourself in Pittsburgh and in need of some contemporary American cuisine, E.leven is afuckingmazing. The vegetarian tasting menu was sublime. My husband had the normal chef's tasting menu, and that was also rockin'.

I am at least finding that I'm not really impatient. Summer always goes too quickly for academics, so I'm finding that my eagerness to have it be August is strongly balanced by my desire to have it be June for a million, billion, trillion years.

Of course...I can't help noting that this is the halfway point for my recovery. Six weeks (more or less) before I get to see that first exciting negative pregnancy test!


  1. Ahhh, to me any sort of non-pregnant state sounds like heaven. Especially one in which you can't work on conceiving anyways, doctor's orders... wow, am I jealous. I'd give anything to be you!!! OR, more to the point, I'd give anything to be a regular fertile lady. But if I can't have that, non-pregnant sounds awesome. Because I'm battling inner terror on a moment-by-moment basis. Sucks to be me!!!

  2. i was more like, "bitch. UNFOLLOW."

    hooray for tasting menus and moderately happy weekends! better to have a nice time without completely brainwashing yourself, i think, than to tempt fate to KERWALLOP you with all you've been avoiding thinking about.

    or something.

  3. Bunny, Wtf on the negative test? Stop. It.

    My Zen attitude is being quickly eroded and I am only 3 weeks out, tomorrow. I can't believe you are half way there, thats awesome. I have been googling the how long to wait after robotic myomectomies like, every day. I don't want to wait. I wish I could flip the switch to shut this shit off but nooooo. I have decided to drink my way through summer, it will be a great TTC health regimin.

    Glad Philly was fun, hope you are feeling better. And thanks for the acknowledgement that babies can be ugly.

  4. I believed the first sentence, and there my gullibility ran out. Pity, I'd love to think that Pittsburgh was The Answer. I could go there and Just Know.
    Ah well. Happy you had a good trip none the less. Six weeks eh? Really not long, at all, at all! This kind of thing (ie actual sex) has worked (ie resulted in parenthood) for other people, let's not forget.
    I think a little excitement is in order. Goody!

  5. I initially thought: who is this alien Bunny who has returned to us? Relieved you did not go in for any of that New Age bullshit as there's a lot of it around. And spread quite thickly:)

    Glad you had a good time but very sorry about the colds and especially all the big bellies afoot. But halfway there! (And what a double-edged sword over the summer...I deeply understand why you don't want to just wait and wish away these months...but you get to try while before summer decamps, and that's pretty darned good).

  6. I laughed when I read this b/c that's what I WANTED to write, too, after a weekend of running and drinking and gardening and being gloriously unpregnant. But the fact is that I thought about how the IUI didn't work, and how frustrated I am, and how terrified I am that I am not meant to ever experience pregnancy....24-7. A constant malaise and melancholy despite the sunshine and my best efforts. Alas.

    Well my friend, July it is for both of us. I hope we can prove ourselves wrong.

    Welcome home, I missed you. :)

  7. After the first sentence it was clear you were either full of crap or you had been mysteriously replaced with some sort of stepford infertile. Glad it's the former.

    Welcome home and excited you're halfway through your recover and so close to ttc again. The waiting game sucks...

  8. I wanted to believe you, but then I realized that I've been to Pittsburgh and it doesn't have that effect on anyone.

    (But I admit to being jealous before I realized you were only joking.

    and fwiw, that test in 6 weeks has a reasonably decent chance of being positive. (Reasonably = some number >0) So while I don't want to blow smoke up your you-know-what, I also think that this surgery is kind of like hitting reset, and you never know what could happen.

  9. while i didn't google pittsburgh, i almost googled "relaxing places to visit" after reading your first paragraph!!! boohoo on the cold, but glad you guys had a nice long weekend!!

    i want you to be one of those ppl who gets knocked up before fertility treatments. so, crossing fingers that that happens this summer :o)

  10. You had me for the first sentence. I especially knew you were messin' with "It will be so easy to put all this IF stuff away" etc. Ha.

    Glad you had a nice time - hurrah for vegetarian menus. I must say Australia is particularly bad in this respect.

  11. LOL, I knew you were full of s* after the 2nd sentence! Nice try tho ;).

    Yay for the 1/2 way point! I'm glad you guys enjoyed your weekend as much as you could. I hope the next 1/2 goes by quickly so you can get bizzaaa.

  12. You kinda had me there for a minute. But I was like, What's with Bunny? She's acting all strange. I like the regular Bunny best, personally. Though I did see a glimpse of positive thinking New Age Bunny when you wrote about your recovery and the fact that August is gonna come soooo fast for an academic like you.

  13. Welcome back. I know that your regular mundane life can never compare with the magic that is Pittsburgh (it has Three! Rivers!), but you will just have to soldier on.

    You are doing GREAT. And like you said, the summer will be over before you know it. Much as you would love a neverending June (like the lotus-eaters in Tennyson--though theirs was a neverending afteroon, I think; at least it rhymes).

    Do I win a prize for least coherent comment? It is about 90 degrees in my apartment and the air conditioning was on the fritz at work today too, so I am just too hot to think.

    Anyway. Run throuhg the sprinkler and eat some ice cream.

  14. Hm. I thought "Bunny got hacked!" To the tune of "Baby got back."

    That's probably weird. Especially since as I write this, I can't remember if I've ever commented here before, though I've been reading you for a bit now.

    Anyways.... hello, Bunny. I'm Allison and I leave sometimes awkward and often weird comments. I'll go ahead and apologize now. My apologies.

    I hope June does the magic trick of stretching on forever when you need it to, and then suddenly turning into August before you realize it.

  15. Welcome back bunny!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    How fucking marvelous would it be if all it took was a weekend away to forget our horrors? Geez, I think I'd be going away every weekend if that was the case just so I could erase the previous week. Ah, don't mind me I'm just a poster girl for the world sucks right now.
    As for YOU, it is brilliant that you are only 6 weeks away from getting back on the horse. I am going to stay positive for you (I have to, to balance out my own negativity) and say that there will be no more negative hpts for you... Only positive from here on in. PLEASE.