MY, you are all eager to get rid of me! (BYEEEEEEEEE BUNNY! C U WOULDN'T WANT 2 B U!) But you have two more weeks of my whiny and tedious posts to endure before you get that break. I just think ahead a lot, and get worked up about things that often turn out not to be problems at all. I do thank you for the suggestions, particularly the Mile High Club option. Because I got to envision keeping my hips elevated for fifteen minutes in the airplane bathroom, and emerging to be arrested by an Air Marshal. AWESOMEST CONCEPTION STORY EVAH!
Moving on. Last night I dreamed I gave birth to triplet boys. (I think your predictions are starting to affect me, Sienna!) Because I delivered them myself, I had to make sure they were all breathing, which I did by performing the Heimlich. Good mothering from day one. Anyway, they were fine, and I sure loved gathering them all up in my arms. Sigh.
But the real baby invasion comes Sunday, when BFB and family will be moving into my house. For the everyone who doesn't commit to memory the details of my life, she's got a post-doc at UC Santa Barbara, and the time has come for them to depart. The baby has a doctor's appointment that requires them to stick around for a few days after the movers have collected all their worldly goods, so we're putting them up. I see this being either:
A) Totally fine. The baby sleeps through the night (and while my normal attitude is FUCK, can't she just be hella colicky so that BFB can suffer a LITTLE? I mean, come ON! Instant, problem free pregnancy, four hour labor, perfect baby? FOR REALS?!?, now this feature works in my favor), so that won't be an issue, and maybe it will be kind of like an extended sleepover. With boys!
B) Several days of intense heartache. On any given visit with BFB, there's at least one moment of wretchedness, so what will happen when she's in my face for days on end? I predict a certain amount of hiding in the basement.
At least it's cool in the basement.
That would be an awesome conception story! Triplets, huh?
ReplyDeleteI hope things go a well as can be expected with BFB. I can't understand why some people just get perfect babies, and others can't have them at all. Seems very unfair.
Good luck. I hope you don't have to spend too much time in the basement.
I groaned on your behalf when I saw that BFB would be cohabitating with you. I'm glad to see that it's just a few days... You seriously are a good friend!
ReplyDeleteYou are a saint for letting BFB stay with you guys. My prediction, it will be a mixed bag with her there so please reach out for support when you need it.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I love that conception story. What a sweet thing to tell your future triplets one day :) Seriously, who cares how those babies get here anymore, just get here already!!!!!!
I really hope it's nice having BFB there. Maybe tell her that you're allergic to singing, though, so no singing to the baby, kthxbye!
ReplyDeleteYou are very brave! And a very good friend! Hopefully it isn't too awful, but an escape plan to the basement sounds like a good one.
ReplyDelete15 minutes in the airplane bathroom? that's longer than our normal s*xy time. and that's in the comfort of our bedroom!!! i never could understand the appeal of joining the mile high club. airplane bathrooms just stinky winky. although, that's never stopped me from trying to convince dh. but only bc i *want* him to agree to do it. *not* bc i'd actually do it. duh!
ReplyDeleteyaay, triplets! and you obviously have great maternal instincts - even in your dreams :o)
i hope bfb is super duper *aware* of you and your feelings while they are staying with you. has her kid started talking yet? maybe you can secretly teach her to say "bunny" before "momma". that would totally level the playing field a little bit :o)
Groan. I agree, you are a saint. I hope BFB's visit is as painless as possible.
ReplyDeleteOh, if you do get knocked up with the triplets after your Mile High indiscretion, that can be the new piece of assvice you hand out to infertiles. "All you have to do is have sex in an airplane. Easy as that! Oh, and prop your hips up."
I'm glad you're going to be around for a while. I'm going to need you when I turn into a puddle with my BFN next weekend....
ReplyDeleteANYway, you are really an amazing friend and you deserve BUNNY OF THE YEAR award for this nicety. I mean, seriously. (I expect some hilarious blogs as the result of this experience, k???) xo
Wow. I just cannot imagine having to live with a baby right now!!! It sounds sort of like torture. Yes you are sainted, but I also imagine that you have relatively little choice in the matter. She is your best friend, after all.
ReplyDeleteI've just decided that people with babies are the most annoying people on the planet and I never want to hang out with any of them ever. Even if I end up having a baby one day, I will still refuse to talk to other moms. Kind of like how I now refuse to talk to other scientists-- cause they're all a bunch of dorks who go out for beers to discuss how they caught 31 snakes in one day, or how they developed new molecular techniques to determine the gender of baby skunks. I'm like, can't we just gossip, people???? Similarly, I will never want to talk about breast pumps or the color of baby poo. Or listen to anyone sing or talk baby talk or root around in a diaper with bare hands only to come up and sniff the fingers. No no no no no.
It isn't just emotionally painful, it's also plain old annoying and boring.
But I am sure it will ultimately be fine cause you are totally going to miss her, and you might even wind up missing little Jane!
I agree with goodegg, you deserve the BF Bunny Award of the Year for this one. I expect to hear that the lovely cool basement is well-stocked with refreshing summer cocktails, no? (In all seriousness, I don't think I could do this. I think I would have sent them to a hotel).
ReplyDeleteAs for the aeroplane - definitely most awesome conception story evah! You will be a living example of the classic assvice - just go on overseas vacation and it will happen!!! It will! (I know it's a work trip, but still).
I'd rock the indoor sunglasses look. Why, no, that's not tears, sunglasses are HOTT!
ReplyDeleteSorry for the up-in-your-face visit, but hoping there's a nice non-envious infant cuddle in it to brighten your day.
And, if you need cough drops or cough medicine in Germany...under no circumstances ask for the Vicks. It's a naughty word. I'm full of them, more coming as you post whiny things, I'll just make sure to distract you with language tidbits.
Oh my GAWD I love Sienna's idea of teaching her to say "bunny" before mama, hahahaha!
ReplyDeleteI've lived with other people's children in our home before (with their parents, of course) and of course, just had my baby niece in my house for 9 days. Some parts are pure heartache - watching the nursing, the bathtimes, the waking up cooing time, etc. But then, with my niece, holding and getting to know her and having her get comfortable with me and see her face light up when she sees me is worth all the pangs...
I hope it's a pleasant time for you - and don't worry, eventually BFB's perfect un-colicky baby will be teething. She'll have plenty of fun then :).
You are a good friend. A selfless friend. And a good person. Not sure I could be that good. But I also think you've got the right attitude walking into this. There will inevitably be a tough moment that will send you running for the basement...but hopefully there will be a lot of good times, as well. And I am hoping that she will be extra sensitive towards you once on your turf.
ReplyDeleteAnd that IS the best story ever. I'm just imagining an Air Marshal wagging his index finger, and a Bunny saying, "Well, we were on a SCHEDULE!"
Hullo Bunny, I've missed your posts. Not that you've been anywhere but I've been absent from blogs for a week or so, so am just catching up.
ReplyDeleteAs one who has just recently had my brother and wife and their little baby staying with us, I can only hope that BFBs baby behaves better than my baby nephew did. He screamed all night, and if that isn't bad enough, my brother and wife have just decided to try the tough love approach and let him scream. So it meant no sleep for ANYONE!!! it was disgusting!!!! I mean, just leave your baby training for a time when you are in your own house thank you very much!!!!!! xxxx
PS - i'm sure bfbs baby will be a perfect angel though. x
Isn't amazing the masochistic things we sign up for in the name of friendship? I've been seeing my own BFB way too often for my own good - and while I love the dear thing, sometimes the moments of wretchedness are not quite worth the pleasure of her company. Hope this isn't the same for you, though. And if it is, I send you lots of love and strength.
ReplyDelete