There were two other moments in the Infant Care class I wanted to share because they are such priceless gems that you will surely DIE if you do not get to hear about them.
1. During the intros, one woman said I'm so and so, I'm due on June 6th, and this is our third pregnancy, but the first time it's going to term. Of course my first reaction was to totally love her...but she turned out to be really annoying. Oh well, no new best friend for me! I was also a little taken aback. I believe we should all feel some obligation to educate people about IF and loss, but I can't imagine airing my past in that particular forum. It somehow feels like a pointless place to do it. (Not that her goal was necessarily education or anything.) But maybe loss is different from IF in that particular respect? Or maybe she's just got a 100% open door policy on her reproductive life? Anyway, have you said something like that in such a forum, or can you imagine doing so when you are finally, finally there, as I fervently pray you will be?
2. In the middle of the class, we had to go up to the front of the room and select our plastic practice baby. By the time Mr. Bunny and I got to choose, we were faced with a quandry: On the table were a few white babies, all quite hideous, and some much more attractive babies of color. We didn't want the ugly white babies. But...could we take a baby of color? What if that meant one of the non-Caucasian couples who had yet to pick ended up with a white baby? Would they think we were assholes for stealing a child of their race, like old time slave traders? Or would people think we were trying to make some kind of statement about our our racial sensitivity by not immediately grabbing a white baby? Even though our child will presumably be white? (Barring a mixup at the clinic...) In the end we just grabbed an ugly white baby, but the experience gave me a tiny glimpse into the complex world of transracial adoption, as ridiculous as that might sound.
Next came c-section class. I didn't learn much, but that's just because I'm over educated about the whole thing. I did get to watch an awesome video from the 80s that was careful to remind me about how dreadful and baby-destroying c-sections are. (Thanks for that!) But it was helpful to ask about specific things so that my list of questions for my OB will be more streamlined. And I did find the extent to which I HAVE ALREADY HAD THIS SURGERY reassuring. I mean, yes, there will be a baby this time, which is awesome, and recovery will be different, because...BABY!...but otherwise it will be delightfully familiar. And because I am 100% fixated on the fact that I won't get to immediately hold my child (which is why he or she will not breastfeed and will grow up to be an asthmatic monster) it was good to get as much information as possible about how quickly I can be reunited with my Bun.
It continues to feel weird to imagine a real child coming out of my body, but I think it's just one of those things that can't be properly imagined.