There were two other moments in the Infant Care class I wanted to share because they are such priceless gems that you will surely DIE if you do not get to hear about them.
1. During the intros, one woman said I'm so and so, I'm due on June 6th, and this is our third pregnancy, but the first time it's going to term. Of course my first reaction was to totally love her...but she turned out to be really annoying. Oh well, no new best friend for me! I was also a little taken aback. I believe we should all feel some obligation to educate people about IF and loss, but I can't imagine airing my past in that particular forum. It somehow feels like a pointless place to do it. (Not that her goal was necessarily education or anything.) But maybe loss is different from IF in that particular respect? Or maybe she's just got a 100% open door policy on her reproductive life? Anyway, have you said something like that in such a forum, or can you imagine doing so when you are finally, finally there, as I fervently pray you will be?
2. In the middle of the class, we had to go up to the front of the room and select our plastic practice baby. By the time Mr. Bunny and I got to choose, we were faced with a quandry: On the table were a few white babies, all quite hideous, and some much more attractive babies of color. We didn't want the ugly white babies. But...could we take a baby of color? What if that meant one of the non-Caucasian couples who had yet to pick ended up with a white baby? Would they think we were assholes for stealing a child of their race, like old time slave traders? Or would people think we were trying to make some kind of statement about our our racial sensitivity by not immediately grabbing a white baby? Even though our child will presumably be white? (Barring a mixup at the clinic...) In the end we just grabbed an ugly white baby, but the experience gave me a tiny glimpse into the complex world of transracial adoption, as ridiculous as that might sound.
Next came c-section class. I didn't learn much, but that's just because I'm over educated about the whole thing. I did get to watch an awesome video from the 80s that was careful to remind me about how dreadful and baby-destroying c-sections are. (Thanks for that!) But it was helpful to ask about specific things so that my list of questions for my OB will be more streamlined. And I did find the extent to which I HAVE ALREADY HAD THIS SURGERY reassuring. I mean, yes, there will be a baby this time, which is awesome, and recovery will be different, because...BABY!...but otherwise it will be delightfully familiar. And because I am 100% fixated on the fact that I won't get to immediately hold my child (which is why he or she will not breastfeed and will grow up to be an asthmatic monster) it was good to get as much information as possible about how quickly I can be reunited with my Bun.
It continues to feel weird to imagine a real child coming out of my body, but I think it's just one of those things that can't be properly imagined.
That second one is interesting. My husband's background is in Evolutionary Ecology- Paternal investment. Our daughter was concieved in Namibia/South Africa. I like to regularly tease him that we are lucky she has light skin. Cause if you are the dad, you never know....
ReplyDeleteI'm also curious about any interesting details you learned on the c-section. A friend of mine who is a tech and helps with c-sections and recovery told me.
1. Get cathater AFTER spinal
2. Walk around as soon as possible after
3. Get iv out a couple hours before catheter, so your bladder can empty into bag, in case you have a hard time peeing.
3. Pretend to blow through a straw to help you pee the first time it having problems.
If you have any tidbits to share, email me at sometimessurprised@gmail.com
you never fail at making me laugh a little. thanks!
ReplyDeletewishing you so much luck in the final part of the journey
I'm married to a formula-fed asthmatic monster. It has its pluses.
ReplyDeleteAnd I was embarrassed and awkward answering the OB nurse at our practice when she asked, "So, is this your first pregnancy?" I can't imagine telling all those dumb Other People my life story, though I'm sure part of me would want to.
Thank you for these humorous anecdotes! Interestingly, I am exceedingly private about our IF stuff in real life, but during my hospital stays I've had NO trouble blurting out that our babies were conceived with IUI and injectables....to nurses and doctors and other triage patients, tho. Something about the hospital environment makes me feel okay about it? And FYI, I think we watched the same horrid 80s c-section video in our L&D class. So old school, hahaha. xoxo
ReplyDeleteI kinda understand being upfront about previous losses. Like wanting credit for them, somehow. Making sure people know you aren't an oblivious fertile.
ReplyDeleteNot sure if I'd do it, but I understand where it comes from.
Excited for you!
I can just picture you and Mr. Bunny standing at the front of the class agonizing over which practice baby to pick! Holding up the line, no less...
ReplyDeleteThey should make them all in assorted bright colors to eliminate this problem.
I hope you and Bun Bun will not be separated for long after the delivery. After all, who wants an asthmatic monster with Reactive Attachment Disorder? No you.
ReplyDeleteThe plastic baby story was great. The complexity of that choice must have boggled your mind, at a very rapid rate. Choosing the ugly white baby was really your only option. Bun Bun, I strongly suspect, will neither be plastic nor ugly.
I love how you ended this post. I was just talking with another friend who also was fortunate enough to get pregnant and the crazy reality that a little person is growing inside her, such an exciting time. Congratulations and excited to read more posts like this moving forward :)
ReplyDeletei love this post. i'm f-ing cracking up that you ended up taking an ugly white baby just so that you wouldn't offend anyone else. heehee. i'm a bit of a hypocrite. i'd be pissed if a nonasian person took the one asian baby doll (if there was one), yet there's no way i'd take an ugly doll. period. so i would've taken one of another race for sure. i'm more curious to know if all this is what was only going through YOUR mind only, or mr bunny's as well. OR, was the conversation had aloud? heehee ...
ReplyDeletefirst, dolls are fuckin' creepy. the childbirth class instructor took ours from us, maybe because we kept saying he looked like a fascist. especially when he sieg heil'ed.
ReplyDeletesecond, i gotta tell you that it still feels pretty unreal, the idea that this baby came out of me. i do not believe it, despite seeing it, feeling it, and in some respects still feeling it, if you get me. i think it's in the category of things that are too large/strange for the brain to comprehend. or maybe that's just my brain.
I also can't imagine that an actual baby is going to come out of me in about 7-12 weeks. I can't fathom that at all, I think it is one of those things that's too mind blowing to comprehend.
ReplyDeleteThe woman announcing this is her third pregnancy but this is the first one to term I can kind of empathize with. (except for the fact that she's annoying). I stumble whenever people ask if this is my first...I guess, yes, it will be my first child and I mentally edit the question in my head. But I do have to bite my tongue a bit to not mention my miscarriage or the ectopic pregnancy.
Oh to be a fly on the wall! You are so funny. You should really write that book - with cartoons - it would be so good.
ReplyDeleteIt's really great to see you approaching awe-inspiring event that is childbirth. It makes me smile.
Oh man, I love your posts and I could totally see myself in that same plastic baby-picking situation. I think I would have ultimately chosen one of the ugly white babies, too, but would have wanted one of the cute ones.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I'm like Slopie, in that I also feel awkward just telling nurses that this is not my first pregnancy, so I definitely wouldn't be shouting it out to my damn birthing class.
Hmmm... to each his own.
I woulda grabbed a doll-of-color and given it a total downtown Detroit name, then called it by that name loudly and often. (No, I would have only done that in my head. I woulda picked a grubby, ugly, too-oft-picked white baby.)
ReplyDeleteWe never mentioned the whole IF thing in group classes, but I've never hesitated to discuss it with doctors, nurses, etc. And I've been open about it with babysitters, friends of friends, neighbors, etc. if it ever comes up. I don't bring it up, but if some tangential topic touches on it, I am open. Maybe it's a badge of honor thing, or maybe just that I don't care for bullshit and being forced to internalize careless comments made due to ignorance. I set that shit straight.
You can hold Bun Bun as soon as you're in recovery. I think you have about an hour to attempt breastfeeding before Bun Bun rejects you forever. Honestly, they take the baby away from you for a bit after vaginal delivery too, while they sew your cooch back together and do their APGAR stuffs. I felt like I only held Jackson for a nanosecond before they hauled him over to the other side of the room and started punching me in the gut or whatever to get the placenta to deliver (it may have been "massaging" but it felt like punching). You can request that Mr. Bunny be allowed to go with Bun Bun wherever he/she goes, and to give the first bath, etc., etc. He should be able to cut the cord, too, I think. They can artfully drape a sterile towel over your splayed innards for this, methinks.
Ah, no fear factor on the c section. I had one and was disappointed at first until all those mother facking hormones left my body. She nursed like a champ. Constantly. Didn't want a binky. No swear if the plan gies awry.
ReplyDeleteYou should have asked, "where are the Arian babies please?" that might have worked.
Re #1, I'm finding that I'm pretty open about IF and my m/c, in the appropriate setting. I dunno about in the middle of a birthin' class. Mostly I'm open because it's a good way to stop people from saying ridiculous stuff. "Am I sure about this? Why, yes, been sure for the past seven years, thankyouverymuch."
ReplyDeleteRe #2 - LMFAO! OMG. I would have turned around, counted the # of non-white parents left, the # of cute babies and if there was a surplus of babies, gone with a cute one. All while hubby cracked severely inappropriate jokes about ALL the babies.
Also, at 16 weeks, I can't believe there's a baby in there, so I definitely can't believe it'll come OUT of there at some point. LOL
Yah. I don't think I'd announce it like that, nor in that setting. There are places where I might feel comfortable speaking about it, but I don't think that an Infant Care class would be one of them. And that's not denial of my reality. Just a picking and choosing of moments:)
ReplyDeleteThat's hilarious about the white baby-baby of color conundrum. I think you did the right thing. And your baby won't be ugly like that. Consider it an innoculation against it happening in real life :)
Hey...I didn't see my babies for almost 24 hours after their birth and didn't attempt breast feeding for another 24 hours and both babies are good nursers, so don't count yourself out! Just make sure you have the lactaction consultant on call at the hospital...the extra days in the hospital for the c-section are a great time to take advantage of the help the LC can provide.
ReplyDeleteThe bit about choosing the baby made me laugh. The middle-class racial anxiety angst. (of course the correct answer is that you didn't even notice that the babies were different colours.)
ReplyDelete