This morning I got on the elevator with two women who were in the middle of a conversation. (I've seen them both around, but don't know them.) It turned out they were talking about one's pregnancy and delivery. The deliverer was saying how hard it had been. The second woman got off one floor later. I smiled at the deliverer, because, you know, trapped on an elevator, and she repeated, It was haaaard! I found myself asking whether it had been hard all along, or just at the end or what. The moment I got off the elevator I was appalled at myself. Why on earth did I stick my nose into their private conversation!? I mean, okay, she kind of gave me an in, but that didn't mean she wanted some relative stranger quizzing her about her experience. And then I wondered, how would I have felt about finding myself privy to this conversation just a few weeks ago? It would have been another one of those interactions where I'd have mustered up a fake smile and felt bitter about the whole fucking thing until I complained about it to you and we all bitched about her. And now I'm like, TELL ME MORE, LET ME TAKE SOME NOTES! Ugh. Pregnancy after infertility doesn't change everything, but it sure changes some things: now I'm more obnoxious!
(I know, you guys are like, NO SHIT, Bunny.)
I've had similar experiences...conversations that a few months ago would have soured my mood for an entire day now get my complete attention and focus....and even help me feel a little normal! I guess the only thing that's still different is that I am very aware of who else is listening in and if I even guess for a second that they might be in the "sisterhood" - I try to change the subject. Anyway, I don't think you're rude at all - sounds like she was inviting the questions!!
ReplyDeletesame thing here. at the RE's office last week, this couple brought in their 6 month old baby, dressed in a bear outfit. i gushed (barf) whereas i normally would've killed them with dirty looks. i'm disgusted with myself.
ReplyDeletelol, bunny! i can totally relate. i'm not sure if you remember my post about the pregnant lady that got married around the same time i did and then got knocked up quickly and i couldn't wait for her to go on mat leave and get off my damn train so i wouldn't have to look at her everyday...? yeah, well now when i see a pregnant woman on the train i feel like we're in combat together and its hard for me to refrain from asking them questions and taking notes! its very strange.
ReplyDeleteI love your obnoxiousness, Bunny, or at the very least, the way you write about it. And re: your comment about my not knowing whether the C-train had thinned my lining, no, you're totally right; I don't have proofa nuttin'. Really, I wanted something to blame the miscarriage on, to make some sense, have some control, etc. But I'm glad to be inviting Sista Clomid back into my life, and when I think about the fact that this cycle, I will, for the first time since, be taking precisely the drugs that helped me get pregnant, it feels very exciting. I think that, being me, I should insert some silly/sarcastic comment here, but I can't think of one. Really super-excited. Golly, I'm square.
ReplyDeleteI think the real question here is, why do people share such personal information in an elevator, where everyone can overhear? Hmm.
ReplyDeleteAh, you make me laugh. Just wait until you realize YOU are that pregnant woman we all bitch about! Sometimes I wish I could tuck this belly in, I'm so worried that I might be upsetting neighbourhood TTCers with my mere presence. Yes, things change.
ReplyDeleteAndie's right. They opened it up by talking in front of you (and only you). Not obnoxious, really. Hilarious, though.
ReplyDeleteHappy mid-term week!
Yeah it is funny how perspectives and reactions can change in just a matter of weeks. There's no denying that a lot has changed in your world in that short amount of time...However, even though you have crossed over to the other side you are definately NOT abnoxious. I can't imagine you ever turning into one of those obnoxious horrid preggo woman. You're coming to terms with your pregnancy and you're admitting to yourself and others that you are pregnant, thats all. You are SO not obnoxious!!
ReplyDeleteI'm so rambling here but I really think there is a tendency for those of us still not pregnant to label those that are pregnant as obnoxious no matter what. Sometimes a pregnant woman only has to admit they are pregnant and we think they are obnoxious. But that's a fault on our part (by "our" I mean those of us still on my side of the trench). I certainly don't think you're obnoxious but I have been guilty of thinking it of other pg woman for no valid reason.
Am I making sense? Probably not, just walk away and ignore my rambling then.
xx
Dude, so NOT obnoxious. Beloved Bunny, I can't think of anything you would say or do that would make me think that.
ReplyDeleteI think that talking about childbirth and child rearing is something women do and have done for centuries (millennia). So while it pisses the infertiles off royally that women do this, it actually serves a good function I think. Like sharing important info and connecting around shared experiences. Um...like we do here on the blogs.
I wish I had something to say about childbirth. I got nothing.
Perspective makes all the difference. But, in your shoes, I'd have totally butted in. Private conversations can't really happen in elevators...so it's sort of invitation to let the world chime in:)
ReplyDeleteOh man, you always make me laugh.
ReplyDeleteJust wait until everyone starts busting out the "my labor was so bad" stories.
ReplyDeleteThey still scare me.