I'm visiting my family in Albuquerque in a few weeks, and my brother sent some recommendations for hotels. After I told him which one I'd selected, he informed me that it used to be a hospital. A psychiatric hospital. A children's psychiatric hospital. So it's obviously filled with the ghosts of children subjected to various kinds of torture. And this means that by staying there, we are most likely committing ourselves to participating in a horror movie.
Here's a quick précis of our movie. It will start with scenes of us all tender and loving. (e.g., Fade In. Interior of a plane. An attractive young couple, reading. The woman is visibly pregnant. The man looks up from his magazine and gazes lovingly at the woman. He places his hand with prominent wedding ring on her belly. She looks up from her papers and they share a tender smile.) It will be revealed that we struggled to get pregnant and are so very happy to be expecting our first child. We check into our luxurious hotel. I'll relax in the tub of our pristine white bathroom while my husband orders room service. The room service cart will leave our floor and descend ever deeper into the basement of the hotel. It will become damper and darker. There will be disturbing creaks and groans of machinery that sound like animals in pain. As the disturbingly blank-faced hotel employee pushes his cart down a long, dark corridor, surrounded by trickles of water, flaking paint, rusty pipes overhead...you will be startled with abrupt images of pale children in straight jackets, in chains, skittering over the ceiling, heads on backwards, shit like that. You know what comes next. Pretty soon black water and hair will be coming out of the faucet of our bathroom. Ghost children will be terrorizing us, with particular interest in our unborn child. We'll try to figure out how they were wronged and how we can help them. Our investigations will lead us to some depraved doctor. This being New Mexico, he will have a particular penchant for torturing children from the local Pueblo Indian tribes. We'll bring his misdeeds to light. We'll believe that we have released the souls of the tortured children.
But everyone knows horror movies never end well. We will either be murdered, forced to live forever in the hotel, serving the ghost children, or I'll give birth to some kind of demonic monstrosity.
Mr. Bunny and I discussed how to proceed. We talked about being aware of signs that we had entered a horror movie so that we could act quickly. But we concluded that the thing about finding yourself in a horror movie is you can never tell until it's too late. And we discussed the fact that you can never save the ghost children, no matter what you think. Because they don't want their souls released, they just want you dead.
So what do you think? Should we switch to the Best Western? Or is it already too late?