Rant:
Here's how I found out about that my best friend had safely delivered her child. E-mail from my husband at 5 o'clock yesterday: How was your day. Me: Okay. Anxiously waiting to hear from PBF. Him: Did you not hear they had their baby? DID YOU NOT HEAR THEY HAD THEIR BABY? No, I did NOT hear. Turns out that after a mere FOUR hours of labor Jane was born early Tuesday morning, and no-one bothered to tell me. I spent all of Tuesday worried about PBF! My husband knew well before I did (because Mr. PBF posted the news on a site I don't have access to). Okay, I totally get that telling me is a low priority. I mean, who am I going to be mad at? PBF, who spent the entire day asleep? Mr. PBF, in the early hours of fatherhood? Uh, no. But LORDY LORD did this exacerbate my fears that I will be excluded from her life and that I don't matter any more. (In addition, I'd asked PBF not to send photos because I was afraid they'd break my heart, but my stupid husband sent one, and I couldn't resist looking. Heart = broken.) So that fucking sucked and I cried my eyes out. But later I exchanged a few e-mails with PBF that made me feel a lot better. I was reminded that she's still the same person, and while things will be different and I'll have to be patient and not a selfish asshole (a major challenge for me), she's not going to abandon me. I just need to repeat that to myself every fifteen minutes. She's not going to abandon me.
Recipe:
So after all the weeping I was like, I NEED A DRINK. I happened to have a grapefruit in the house so I attempted to recreate a drink my husband had while we were in New York (and that I had only a tiny sip of, to protect the nothing-at-all in my empty uterus). The drink is called an Ear.l Greyho.und, and consists of earl grey infused vodka and grapefruit juice. I tried 2 parts grapefruit and 1.5 parts earl grey infused vodka (that is, about three oz vodka with a couple of tablespoons of loose leaf earl grey, left to sit for a few hours) plus a splash of simple syrup. The result was delicious, though it may not accurately reflect the original. So if you can drink, I recommend it. Drinking in general, but also the recipe.
Finally, thank you for all your kind words yesterday. It was a tough day, and it somehow helped to have people telling me that I will be a mother someday. I don't BELIEVE YOU, but I was nonetheless comforted.
I've heard that in the old days (like the uptight early 60's) there was a pretty straightforward protocol about these things. Labor pains start, expectant mother drugged to within an inch of her life, baby pops out after much raving, daddy (who has not been allowed at the birth) passes out cigars in the waiting room and calls her parents, his parents, and list of friends. Or maybe I just saw that on Mad Men. Anyway, I think we've lost something in our current informality. I'd have been peeved too (especially if my husband found out first). Not at PBF. Just at the situation.
ReplyDeleteAnd the drink sounds GOOD. Not a huge fan of Earl Grey but I bet I could swap that over for something else...
Yeah, that's definitely annoying. Gosh the new baby pics really do stomp on the heart, don't they? I just had the great pleasure myself of opening a web album full of them from a college friend (of her Christmas baby, also named Jane!). Eh.
ReplyDeleteIn better news, your drink sounds very delicious and awesome. I love that you steeped the tea for a few hours. When I want a drink, I want it NOW. :)
Open wound, insert salt. So sorry, Bunny. :(
ReplyDeleteI lurrrrve Earl Grey. Well, to be most precise, I lurrrve Lady Grey. All time hot tea fave...although right now I'm on a massive mint kick as I avoid caffeine in a most depressing way. Earl Grey infused vodka sounds like it was made for me. :)
I'm a big Arnold Palmer (the drink, not the golfer) fan, and over the summer I discovered SWEET TEA VODKA. It changed my whole summer. Nothing beats fidding in the vegetable garden with a glass of fresh lemonade spiked with sweet tea vodka close at hand. Make a note of it.
Crap, I miss summer so much.
I had a similar experience where I only found out the name of my cousin's baby after it was posted on FB. I feel like telephones ought to still be part of the technological picture when it comes to the grapevine.
ReplyDeleteThat twist of a greyhound is a good one, keep it coming. Also making note for that sweet tea vodka. Trying infuse lychees into vodka at home at the moment to recreate a drink I had that I call "truth serum" as it makes you want to talk and talk.
What an annoying situation. I don't know if you're going to feel the same as me, but I always found it easier to deal with actual babies that poo and puke and scream and stress out the otherwise blissful parents, than the pregnancy with all it's naive anticipation. And she is not going to abandon you. In fact, I foresee a future post where you're complaining about how much she needs and depends on you while she's overwhelmed by said poo, puke, screaming and stress. Also, she's gonna have all these great hand-me-downs for you when you get to that place. (I know, you don't believe you'll get there, but I do.)
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you didn't hear till later. I know how you feel. It's like you don't want to hear/see stuff about it because you know it will make you upset, but you just are interested in anyways.
ReplyDeleteBunny, I am so sorry you had to hear form your husband. I can imagine my blood boiling with anger and humiliation, even though, as you say, it isn't anyone's fault. I agree with Adele that we lost some of the baby etiquette. We need cigars and phone calls!
ReplyDeleteBut I am glad you were able to connect with her afterwards, and I really can't imagine that a child would ever harm a real friendship.
p.s. Can I come over for a drink? :)
It sucks that you had to hear about it that way. My feelings would have been hurt as well. I am sad that people take to social networking sites to announce the birth of a child. Um, that is something you pick up the phone for.
ReplyDeleteThe drink looks good. If I wasn't in training for FET 2010 I would have checked it out.
I fear that once I tell certain members of my family, they will have even less couth than usual and post it on FB. Which I do not plan to do, possibly ever. I agree with everyone else here -- announcements like these should follow a protocol.
ReplyDeleteAnd how on earth do you have the patience to steep tea in your vodka? You are dedicated, my friend, to a classy drink. I'm a G&T girl, because Bombay Sapphire is delicious and because they take 2 seconds to make.
I've been lurking on your blog for a while now and haven't commented but thought it was about time I did. I'm hit with love/hate emotions about your blog... love because I really appreciate coming across blogs who seem to grab all my thoughts and put them into words like you do, it makes me feel a bit safer and less alone.... and hate because it just sucks that you had to be here in the first place.
ReplyDeleteSo icky to hear a pg announcment 2nd hand, sorry it happened that way for you too. Social networking sites have a lot to answer for, but I guess for those who are lucky enough to not have been beaten with the IF stick, it can seem like an efficient way to get their good news 'out there'. Still, i'm glad you've had the opportunity to speak to PBF and that things seem better now.
... and the drink sounds amazing, I am a big fan of earl grey tea so might just have to sample that recipe of yours!!
I'm sorry you found out that was and she didn't share the news with you sooner. I had a similar experience when my SIL had her first baby. But she didn't return my calls for about 2 weeks. I think I will take up your advise on drinking, and possibly that recipe. ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry the news was delivered in such a hurtful way. I often wonder what is worse...keeping infertility a secret or experiencing people walk on eggshells around me. Both are terrible reminders of the pain and hurt of infertility. I hope time heals the wounds and you and PBF keep the lines of communication.
ReplyDeleteOn another note, that drink sounds divine. I love (no, am obsessed) with tea...I'll have to try it!