Tuesday, April 27, 2010


I find myself in an odd state of mind. I've got a week ahead of me (I was told to take two weeks off work, but I suspect I'll be able to head back on Monday) and don't know what to do with it. There are certain constraints on my activities. For example, I'm not allowed to drive, so I can't go anywhere not within walking distance, and I'm not really strong enough to walk very far. It's too cold for me to want to sit outside and there's nothing I can do yet in the garden. Nothing that wouldn't require more exertion than I'm allowed... I've got a huge stack of books to read, and plenty of bad downloaded TV. I have a couple of sewing projects I could work on... But my mind recoils from all these perfectly nice options as though they were smeared in shit. I feel...antsy. I think the reality is that I want something to happen on the reproductive front IMMEDIATELY. I mean, I did my bit by enduring a surgery, so I get to be pregnant now, right? RIGHT?

My post-surgery paperwork notes that I might experience "emotional thoughts". Maybe this is what they meant... In any event, I had better find a way to chill the fuck out or the next three months are going to be ugly.

Some assorted flotsam:

I looked back over my last post and saw that it contained a SHOCKING number of typos. I wonder if those fibroids were the locus of my ability to spell...

Last night I had numerous elaborate and vivid dreams. In one I was floating through the air, higher and higher. I floated down a street near my house where the branches of huge old oak trees arch over the road. As I floated beneath them, I saw squirrels sitting on the branches, eating peaches.


  1. Squirrels easting peaches obviously = penis envy. No brainer.

    Personally, I would cave to the bad TV. Nothing can lift your spirits more than an episode of The Real Housewives of ____. Those bitches are crazy.

    Or just give us blog posts every time a random thought pops into your head. It could be a fun experiment. You know, with those emotional thoughts you're having and all.

  2. I gave you a typo of my own, there. I don't know what "easting" is -- probably a distant cousin to the rusty trombone or something. I dare someone to look up "easting" on urban dictionary. I don't have the stomach for it. It probably involves a farm animal and a midget.

  3. heehee, did you also notice that your first post after surgery said "IT'S" alive, as opposed to "I'M" alive?

    maybe you can have a goal for the next 3 months. since i had/have 4 months between ivf's, mine is to get as skinny as possible. my thought process: if i can't be pregnant, i might as well be skinny. but i'm shallow like that so don't let me rub off you in that respect.

    hmm, dare i say the words that almost got my husband killed when he said it? a hobby perhaps? but when my hubby said it, i heard "find a hobby to replace the emptiness inside you from being infertile" as opposed to what i mean: "what hobby can we find for bunny that will make the next 3 months pass by ever so quickly?".

    in that huge stack of books, do you have 'the girl with the dragon tattoo' by stieg larsson (my FAV book ever)? it's the first of 3 books in a series that the author wrote and handed in right before he died. conspiracy theorists think that he was murdered. perhaps in your spare time you can figure out who dunnit??

  4. That dream made me laugh. I had dreams last night of being in my in laws house and monsters were eating everyone except DH and me. Strange stuff.

    I totally understand your impatience. I would be feeling the exact same thing.

    My only suggestion is to learn something that you didn't know before (Chinese, knitting, Thai cooking, the life cycle of the American Goldfinch) to keep you occupied.

    Good luck!

  5. hahaha, the dream is hysterical.

    I would plop my butt down and watch crappy terrible TV and lots of movies. And read crappy novels, though I know I would get tired of lying around on my ass pretty quickly.

    Hang in there.

  6. I wish I had some good suggestions for you but I'm a terrible patient. And you already cleaned your kitchen cupboards a few weeks ago (and that's no fun anyway):) It's hard to sit and do nothing when you want to be industrious (on the baby front, on any front). Down time can be tough, especially when still under the slight influence of the ether.

    Do you have any photographs that need to be put into albums? I love geeking out with My Publisher Dot Com. It lets you design an album, layout, yadda yadda yadda. Nice gifts. Consumes hours and hours:)

  7. re: your comment. i knew there had to be an explanation for it :o) i only watch horror movies when forced to, and when i do, i'm *that girl* who screams OUT LOUD and falls off her chair while the whole theatre is laughing at her.

    feeling better today, but have a 3-4 hour presentation this afternoon, so god help me bc i have severe ADD today.

  8. I really like the idyllic vision of squirrels eating peaches, 'cause the fuckers in my neighborhood KEEP EATING MY GD BIRD FOOD. Like, they kegstand on the feeder and everything, so arrogant with their cute acrobatics. Earlier this spring I found a dead squirrel in my backyard. I think he was an accidental victim of the electric slide on one of the power wires bordering our yard. He looked so peaceful and soft and fat with a belly full of my bird food, and I felt bad for yelling at him. I buried him in my garden, and naturally this was when I mainlining IVF drugs into my system, so I cried like a baby while I buried him. I have since called a truce on the squirrels. Sigh.

    Now that I've bored you to sleep, you don't have to worry about what to do for the rest of the afternoon.

    My vote? Trashy tv. The weekend I was bedresting after the transfer I watched the entire season of Lie To Me on Netflix. I'm not so much into crime procedurals, but it was pretty good. If you do the Netflix thing, I recommend it.

  9. P.S. Re: Sienna's suggested book: I just grabbed The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and The Girl Who Played With Fire for my beach reads in 2 weeks! I think the third installment comes out later this month...

  10. I vote for TV, besides are the drugs messing with your ability to read? They did for me. So glad you are on your road to recovery!

  11. Bored sounds GREAT!!!! I am so happy you are not in horrible pain, or lying on your kitchen floor with ruptured stitches, or anything horrible like that.

    I've heard that flying dreams decline in frequency precipitously following puberty (YOU'RE the psychologist- you tell me). I like the idea of your return to some sort of childish garden of innocence, filled with tomato plants, squirrels and peaches, in which new life will spring forth...

    Sucks that P.R. is over (although i was happy with the choice of winner). Now I guess you're stuck with real housewives, etc. I used to watch them, but now E refuses to, and since I hardly ever have the chance to watch TV alone, who knows what those ladies are up to??

  12. As connoisseur of wacky dreams myself, I love the images of squirrels eating peaches. Good thing my dog didn't appear in that dream - that image would drive him crazy.

    I can understand that after all those days of sitting in the hospital, you're feeling massively cooped up. Keep giving yourself time to heal, and I hope you find a distraction that sticks!

  13. Would it be too dorky to admit that I am secretly hoping the title of this post is a Buffy reference?

  14. I recommend Gossip Girl. Netflix the first season. It is my horrible guilty pleasure (umm, cuz I only have one of those, I swear). You could also make a study of the entire Bring It On oeuvre and then add Center Stage for variety.

    And I adore children's fiction/YA novels for times like this. I recommend Libba Bray's books. The characters are like Harry Potter's smarter, older, feminist girl cousins from 1890s London who have sex and drink absinthe and do all kinds of other nifty things, which being witches, too. They are totally awesome.

    I like knitting while watching terrible tv, because it makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something.

    I haven't had a flying dream in so long, I'm jealous!

  15. I had a whole dream interpretation typed out, but it really made no sense. Instead, I'll just add a book suggestion to your list: The Wind-Up Bird Chronicles by Haruki Murakami. Completely engrossing, weirdly existential, with quirky Japanese flair. Possibly the best book ever. Happy recovery!

  16. I read all the Murakami books on a insatiable reading binge. That is a great segue from peaches being eaten by squirrels in trees. (Like how I made that sound ominous?)

    Netflix is my suggestion as well. Any random TV series is likely to be on demand and at least entertaining enough for you to subdue the antsy vibe. Your post title reminded me of the episode of Young Ones called "Boring" (yet another great thing to rent on Netflix even though I KNOW you've seen them for some reason).

    I envy you your flying dream as I seem to be completely dull as a dreamer, working through work crap or yelling at people I'm mad at. Very ordinary. I'm also thrilled that you are bored and impatient to get well. It's a very reassuring sign of recovery and obviously, the next "go straight to baby" card has to be the next move in this Infertolpoly madness.

  17. You got the twitchies? I think this is a good sign, you must be recovering well.
    Patience is hard, isn't it? And the more you think about it, the more time slows dooooown to a drip drip drip..

    Oops. Sorry, this could have been more helpful. A little overlocking, perhaps? You know you want to!

  18. Oohhhh, gingerandlime, Buffy!!! I love her. Bunny, go rent the whole series and watch it all. Or I could send you the 83 episodes of Bold and the Beautiful on my DVR. You know, 'cause it's awesome.

    As you can probably see, I agree with everyone saying just go for the bad tv.

    Oh, and surely peaches = fertility? Nurturing the squirrels and all?

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