I'm super miserable. But I can't articulate why, so here's something really trivial.
On Friday, BFB told me that her in-laws are coming to town at the end of the week to check out their new grandchild. This was part of a lengthy rant about how lame they are, and how they are always doing thoughtless, selfish things.
While I responded to the surface shit, inside I was thinking, You mean...they'll be here on my birthday? You won't be able to hang with me on my birthday?
We have a stable tradition of getting together on our birthdays and our husband's birthdays. It's a given that they'll at least come over for presents and cake, if not for something more elaborate. So I was filled with bitterness. And hurt. I mean, who knows how long it will be before we are in the same place for our birthdays again? How could she not stave off this in-law invasion? I know she had plenty of input into the dates... And even if this is the best time for the visit, I'd at least have expected her to say, Sorry, Bunny, but ... I also know she didn't forget my birthday--she's been asking Mr. Bunny what to get me. But when it came to planning the visit, my sad little birthday didn't even register for her.
I keep telling myself that I'm just being self-centered. That this is exactly the sort of adjustment I have to make now that my best friend has a baby: her life has become more complicated, she can't keep everything in her head at once, it's not surprising that everything except the immediate necessities of life will fall by the wayside. But I'm genuinely hurt, and sometimes it's not wise to suppress that. What's more, I don't think I'll actually get over it for reals. I'm still pissed at her because of that time we were at a conference in Poland during a heat wave, and I got heat exhaustion and had to rush out of someone's talk to avoid fainting, and she didn't even come check on me, just left me to find my way back to the hotel on my own, the FUCKING WHORE. I HOPE SHE TREATS HER BABY BETTER THAN THAT!
Um...where was I...RIGHT! So, whether it's reasonable or not, I'm going to resent her forever unless I do something. I guess the most sensible choice would be to send a e-mail simply noting that I felt sad, but it just seems so pointless. Everything seems so pointless. I dunno. What would you do?