- A follicle scan for my upcoming IUI. The dominant follicle is on the right ovary, so there's actually a chance of the eggs getting into a fallopian tube. So YAY on that front. They all need a little more cooking time so I have another scan tomorrow.
- A ninety-minute massage. Ahhhh, that rocked.
- A cathartic conversation with my husband in which we tackled the tricky issue of how to deal with our mutual lack of interest in sex (though it remains to be seen whether we will actually do anything about it).
- A lot of FREAKING OUT about something that ultimately doesn't matter.
So I should call the clinic. But now I don't want to because I'm embarrassed that I don't understand the biochemistry of ovulation and because I was using the monitor, which is VERBOTEN. I thought maybe some of you IVF veterans could give me some reassurance. My basic question is: what controls ovulation? I mean, I know it's a surge in LH and FSH, but how does my pituitary decide it's time? Will my pituitary keep to its normal schedule despite my tiny follicles? And since Clomid leads to increased FSH and LH, can't that also trigger ovulation? Is my monitor giving me a false positive or am I going to ovulate before my eggs are ready?
On the other hand, I really should STOP CARING. I'll find out soon enough what the deal is. The worst case scenario is that tomorrow's scan will show I ovulated already (or am about to do so), and with such immature follicles, the eggs will not be viable. BOOOO! SAD! But more important, where the hell did this stupid HOPE come from? Just a few days ago I was treating this IUI as a hoop to jump through before having another surgery. So I could move on to IVF knowing I gave IUI my best shot. Now suddenly I'm obsessing over ovulation? It's so aggravating that no amount of disappointment will cure me of dreaming that I might get pregnant this time.