Monday, February 8, 2010

Spring = death

My spring break is coming up. This makes me want to die for several reasons.

1. It will mean my semester is half over, and I've accomplished nothing at all during this precious time of no teaching when I was supposed to be all super productive.
2. Since I started grad school, my spring break tradition has involved spending the time in Chicago with PBF. When I was in school she'd come stay with me and we'd watch as many movies in which people's lives are transformed through the power of dance (think S.tep Up, Sav.e the Last D.ance, etc.) as we could get our hands on. After I graduated we'd take our husbands, stay in a nice hotel and (because we now had MONEY) go shoppin'. This year she'll have a couple-week-old baby. Tradition = ovah.
3. My husband is going on a two-week trip during my break and his absence will preclude any attempts at reproduction that month. All because stupid old Clomid will delay my period this month by two or three days, so I'll just miss my chance to get inseminated. Super frustrating.

Before I continue my whining--yes, there is a possibility I could be pregnant by then. I know some of you are dealing with roadblocks and holding patterns and don't have even my very slim chance. Yes, I'm an asshole to not treasure that possibility. But I am most comfortable when I evaluate things quantitatively, and when I plan for my next step. The numbers say IUI is a long shot for me. So I'm planning for my next step. And...I'm torn.

My RE suggested three more IUIs, but I don't know that I want to endure the psychological costs of three more failures. However pointless they feel, it's still devastating when it doesn't pan out. So part of me is leaning towards having the myomectomy asap. Maybe even in March, though probably not, since my husband will want to be there for my recovery (selfish him!). So April. Then I'd have to recover for three months, and would prep for IVF in August. IVF in September. A fighting chance at getting pregnant for reals.

So that's one reason to have the surgery as soon as I can. Other reasons include the following. My RE said that the fibroids increase my chance of miscarriage (though I haven't asked him to quantify it--I'm assuming if it were a huge concern he wouldn't let me do IUI) and they increase the chance that if I did get pregnant, the baby would orient in such a way that I'd need a c-section. Finally, I'd kinda like to get these fucking things out of me! Who wants tumors in her abdomen, however benign? But to take a step that will guarantee I have to have a c-section if I ever have a baby, and that will make IVF my only option--it's hard to face that choice.

I'm curious--what would you do in my position?


  1. Bunny,
    I think moving in a direction you are most comfortable with is really important. If you feel that enduring more failed IUI attempts would be really hard on you (and the numbers seem to indicate that)...then go with your gut. We tend forget our female intuition in this whole infertility journey...

    I am sorry that you are going through these hard times. I can imagine the decisions that you are facing...I will be facing them at the end of the summer...

    But, if I were you, I would go straight to IVF...whatever that is worth.

  2. Wish I could give you a witty and dead-on accurate answer, but alas. I threw in the towel on IUI after one try with Clomid - I had three follicles and we inseminated right on time, and nothing happened. We were told we had <1% chance of IUI ever working (with low sperm motility and 0% normal morphology), so we moved on to IVF. Having some insurance coverage for IVF made the decision easier.

    If you want to try IUI next month (assuming you need to), you could have Mr. Bunny donate and let them freeze his sperm. If his counts are typically reasonable, it would be fine.

    Wish I had an answer for you. I am impatient enough to say I would (and under my own circumstances, did) move on to IVF, but to each her own. I also didn't need surgery beforehand, so I just don't know. If the surgery might be beneficial for pregnancy as well, then I guess that would probably tip the balance toward surgery/IVF for me.

    Mull it over for a bit. Maybe the right answer will come to you.

  3. I second JB on freezing hubby's sperm. I think it's a great idea actually. My guy did it because he was afraid we'd get to the clinic on the day of our retrieval and...well, it's a lot of pressure! And we were told that while it's better to use fresh, frozen will do in a pinch. And at least that way you wouldn't feel like you were on the bench for a month.

    You're facing a tough decision. A very tough decision, which I hope will be moot anyway.
    I think Rain Child is right. Listen to your gut. It doesn't strike me that either is a clear right (or wrong). And I'm guessing that's probably one reason that it's so frustrating...

  4. I'm only in the third week of classes here; my spring break is WEEKS away. Pretend you're on leave from teaching on my campus. That way, your leave has just begun!

    I'm not saying do the surgery/IVF, but here are a couple things in favor of that path:

    1. Nationally, the success rate of an IVF cycle in people under 35 is 46%; put three together and now it's up to 80%. Not bad. (Good stats from SART website)

    2. A c-section is pretty major surgery, for sure, but thinking through women I know who've delivered that way, it may not be a huge consideration in the grand scheme of things.

  5. As you know I am one of the most impatient people EVER, so I would prob go straight to IVF to have a chance asap. Totally a tough call. I can tell you want those f'ing firbroids OUT of there.

    All of that said. You are still in this cycle. And I, for one, am not counting you out. I 110% understand how you need to look forward, prepare for the worst, and plan plan plan (me too, always)...but know that there is someone out there who believes it could work THIS time. :)

  6. Of course this is your decision and one that obviously requires much thought, my opinion is to go for IVF. The only reason I will do IUIs (if it's an option) is if my insurance makes me before approving IVF. From what I've read, IVF is far more successful than IUI and they have more control over multiples. However, I'm really hoping you won't even have to think about it when you get a BFP this month!

  7. What would I do? I'd do the surgery asap and gear up for a fall IVF. I am impatient, and as far as infertility goes, I'm results-oriented. In my mind, IVF seemed to be a shorter and likely less expensive way to go (less expensive than more failed IUI's and then IVF, I mean. I guess I didn't have much faith in my IUI cycles either.) Also, with fertility off the radar for a while, maybe you'll be able to be super-productive between now and spring break. And then you can enjoy spring break, or at the very least not spend it at your clinic.

    I hope you can find a decision you're comfortable with.

    P.S. - I always love the comments you leave me. You have a great sense of humour.

  8. It's tough. Initially I was all for getting rid of the fibroids, and on for IVF, but your last phrase stalled me in my tracks - if it'd mean a C-section and IVF, that is a definite minus. On the other hand, it's a much better chance of a baby, AND you seem to have had it with the IUI route so I'd have to go with that.
    I speak for what I'd do, of course. And all assuming this IUI is unsuccessful, which is not a done deal, at all.

    I wish you mightily the best with it. I think you'll know what to do when it comes to it.