I'm always on the lookout for opportunities to make resolutions about how I'm going to get my shit together in some area or become a better person, and hey! Daylight Saving Time ended this week. The perfect opportunity for a resolution. Of course my resolutions all fail. Expect...I do floss my teeth now. But that's about a 1/1,000,000,000 success rate. And yet if one does not persevere, how can one ever succeed? So this latest resolution was as follows: I resolved to do some actual fucking work pretty much every day so that I can save my floundering career. I'm coming up for tenure, and my file has to be ready by August. Before August, I need to get a couple of grant proposals out, and I should really have at least four papers in the pipeline. I currently have zero grants applications planned, and one paper in the pipeline. So...work to be done! Today I succeeded in my resolution. I probably do not deserve any medals just yet, but thank you.
Stuff about my fetus. (1) A bit ago I had some mild but scary cramps. The scariness comes from the fact that they were entirely new and different. Damn, this shit is precarious. (2) This weekend was the big reveal to the family. Mr. Bunny told his mother. She was gratifyingly excited, and when I spoke to her, said (among many other things) that she was so grateful to me for getting pregnant so she can become a grandmother. This would be an awful thing to say, except for the fact that she has never ever said a word to me about being impatient or wanting to know what the hold-up was. Mr. Bunny told his father. He was apparently not very excited. Whatever--he's a bit odd. I told my mother. She only said one horrible thing that made me want to hang up the phone. I told my older brother. He was excited, but cautious. His wife had a miscarriage, and so he said things like, that would be so cool. I get the caution. I FEEL the caution. But I also think that would be so cool is slightly more hypothetical than is really necessary. I imagined telling my dead father and cried. I told my little brother. He was like whatevs, I'm 24! What do I care! But in a nice way. So that's done. *Dusts hands* (3) Finally, we went to Crate and Barrel to buy some article of cookware, and while I was there, I looked at their selection of gliders/rockers. I sat down in one to test its comfyness, and tears immediately started flowing. Please let Bun Bun make it.
I think your bun-bun will make it and then will drive you nuts nuts. :)
ReplyDeleteBless your little heart, having a cry right there in Crate. It is sweet that the symbolism of the glider sent you over the edge. You are a tough cookie, it is charming to see you succumb to the mightiness that is the Bun Bun.
ReplyDeleteWelcome to life outside the closet. It always struck me how various folks reacted. Some really take your breath away with the depth of their response. I am glad the MIL hungers for this baby like you. And us.
Bun Bun will definitely make it. And he/she will be such wonderful member of that there family!!!
ReplyDeleteBun Bun is going to make it, without a doubt. Future Girl knows everything. I see all. :) Soon that rocker will be in your house and you will be holding Bun Bun in your arms.
ReplyDeleteI am sure your MIL meant well, although it is kind of a weird thing to say.
1. I'm sure it's just the way you're formatted on my phone, but I read to the end of the line, which said: "I resolved to do some actual fucking". And I thought: "Brilliant! Right on, Bunny!" Work, on the other hand? Whatevs, I'm 32!
ReplyDelete2. I appreciate that you say you have grant *proposals* to write, and not grants to write. A lot of people say they have grants to wrote. Thumbs-up for accuracy.
3. Congrats on telling the fam!
4. What you said: please let Bun Bun make it.
Bun Bun is a-going to make it my friend.
ReplyDeleteAwesome on telling the fam, tho sorry for the semi-blah reactions here and there. And GO YOU on the work front. You are making me feel halfway-motivated to pretend like I don't think about pregnancy stuff 24-7 while I'm at work. xoxo
I think bun bun will make it too and you will get to sit in that chair. Good job on doing good work today ;)
ReplyDeleteI am so so so rooting for bun bun. Good for you on creating resolutions. Even if you don't follow through it is cool to take inventory now and then.
ReplyDeleteI love resolutions and your success rate is much better than mine :0 It's always interesting what people say. The Glider time at the store sounds wonderful.
ReplyDeleteOh Bunny. The picture of you sitting down in the store and welling up just about had me doing the same....
ReplyDeleteI wish I could give you some kind of guarantee that everything is going to work out ok. Because the reality is, stats are on your side now, but I also know it can be a bit irritating when people say "I know it's going to be ok" becuase how do they know? They don't. But my heart wants this to work out for you Bunny and I reakon Bun Bun wants to stick around to meet his momma too.
Congrats on the telling. I'm so sorry you didnt get to tell your dad about Bun Bun. I know how much he meant to you and I remember a post you wrote a while ago about him. I like to think he does know your news though. Even though you havent told him, I picture him watching you and just beaming with pride that his little girl is gonna make him a grandfather.
Don't underestimate the stepping stone of beginning a regular flossing program. It's a short step between regular flossing and 2 grant applications/4 papers. You're almost there!
ReplyDeleteI can image cramps being scary. I can also imagine an expanding uterus that pulls and tugs as it does its job of housing a growing Bun Bun.
Glad the fam's been told. Teared up when I read about you telling your dad. Cried when you talked about sitting in that rocking chair. I too, hope with all my heart, that Bun Bun gestates fully and comes out to meet you and Mr. B.
BunnyBabe, I'm sure Bun Bun will explode outta your body at the right time in a good way and be fine ... and a year from now you'll be posting about Bun's sitting and teething and how-the-freak-do-you-keep-rolling-babies-still-at-changetime.
ReplyDeleteAlso I am so glad Mr Bunny's Mum was excellent and that you didn't need to hang up on your Mum.
x
Bun Bun is going to be fine.
ReplyDeleteBun Bun is going to be fine.
Bun Bun is going to be fine.
Und so weiter.
And I can heartily recommend the Crate and Barrel rockers -- we ordered ours from their kids' store, Land of Nod, and I love it. Make sure you get an ottoman as well.
Bun Bun is going to make it. I'm sure of it. You're on the road, Bunny. And i'm right beside you freaking the fuck out with you ... but May, 2011 - we're going to be moms. I'm sure of it.
ReplyDeleteBun bun is definitely going to make it! funny how I can be so very positive about your pregnancy but I can't say the same of mine with any real confidence. Come on, May 2011 :)
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for the not so excited responses by some of the family, but I'm glad your Mom didn't say anything too terrible and your MIL was so excited.
Bun-Bun is doing great!
ReplyDeleteGlad you had the big reveal, we had mixed reactions from family members as well. I suppose everyone deals with that kind of news differently.
We infertiles have enough "what ifs" of our own, that we definitely don't need anyone else's. I'm glad you got to do a bunch of telling, even if some of them were lackluster.
ReplyDeleteBun Bun is soldiering on. You're gonna be a mom!
Bun Bun is a thriving super star! Full of all the essential body parts, by the sounds of your anatomy scan. You two will be just fine.
ReplyDeleteOh yeah...work, my job, or what I do between commenting on blogs. Good resolution I'm gonna get on that too. Crying in Crate and Barrel, I can totally see that---I started having a panic attack when I went in to Pottery Barn Kids (never doing that again!). Just keep reminding yourself--the odds are in Bun-Bun's favor!
ReplyDeleteGlad you got the telling-of-the-fam over with and that most of it was positive :). I'll never understand non-positive reactions to pregnancy announcements, but apparently my sister said her inlaws would be horrified if she had a 3rd kid, even though they know how sad they were that it took them 9 yrs for the 2 they have. So, families are nuts all around, huh?
ReplyDeleteI am definitely praying that bun bun makes it. I really really hope everything goes perfectly well and you will be rocking that little bunny on a delightful glider pretty soon :).
I totally understand the crying in the glider. Because you know what you have done? You've started to actually believe in the possibility of a baby (yours -- alive and healthy and arriving some time in the Spring)and the fear is now catching up with you. It was my husband "trying on" diaper bags that put me over the edge. So, long way of saying, it's ok. The bun is ok. You are ok.
ReplyDeleteOn the family -- it's amazing when the "telling" is great, and amusing when it's not. I learned after many years of trying that I can't control who my family is or how they act, so I've just let it be.
On the gliders -- there is one by Best Chair Co. (yeah, nice branding) that reclines and glides -- it's AMAZINGLY comfy and then can be repurposed to a basement sports watching chair sometime in the future.
Congrats on telling the fam! That's huge and everyone seemed to be fairly benign in their reactions! Good news.
ReplyDeleteIt's nice to hear that you are trying out some baby equipment. What you said to me is so true - sitting in that chair isn't what would kill you if something bad happened (which it won't). And why not enjoy some of the excitement before it passes by - at the speed of a snail.