Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Don't WANNA!

School starts next week. I've got my trapper keeper, my crayons, and my new lunchbox with a unicorn and a kitten on it, so I'm good to go. Except...I'm thinking of playing sick, 'cause I just don't wanna do it.

I've been telling myself that Teaching is Fun and Rewarding. And it totally is. But because I suffer from pretty bad stage fright, getting up in front of my 100+ person class is incredibly stressful. It's worst at the beginning of the year, but the terror never goes away. And even getting up in front of my smaller class is scary. Ugh. I wish I could WILL the fear away. Since I'm totally fucking up the Do Awesome Research and Publish A Lot and Get Grants part of my job, it would be rad to have some aspect of my career that didn't fill me with dread. Plus the terror is bad for my Uterine Spikes.*

Please, Universe, give me classes with great dynamics and motivated, friendly students. Oh, and a baby. (In my uterus, though, not in my classes.)

Meanwhile, in addition to forcing me to not drink or smoke crack (SIGH!), the IUI sheet from my clinic recommends eating a balanced diet. NO PROBLEM. What's more balanced than a chocolate ganache tart with raspberries and cream? The crunchiness of the crust balances the softness of the cream, the sweetness of the chocolate balances the tartness of the berries... Perfect. 

*Bunny, G. (2010). Stress-induced uterine spikes 'cause teaching is scary and I ain't got no bebbeh. Journal of Sterility & Fertility, 60, 50-6,232.


  1. Ack. I truly don't know how you do it. Public speaking also terrrrrrifies me. I've had to give a couple of toasts at rehearsal dinners this summer and the panic literally made me woozy. Blah! (But OH! The relief when it was over and I could happily chug a cocktail, haha.) Hopefully after the first day you get back into some semblance of a groove?

    I adore your bunny plateware. :) I need to do a cooking post....I've been cooking a LOT lately. But my concoctions never look like your beautiful masterpieces. Yum!! xo

  2. Wow.... which Trapper Keeper did you get? Did your lunchbox come with a matching Thermos, or are you more the juice box type?

    And what could be more balanced of a diet than that? It has fruit, dairy for calcium and strong bones, plus chocolate which I maintain is a vegetable. You are a health inspiration!

  3. I LOVE your balanced cookbook. Next time I do an IUI, I'm definitely following your diet!

    You're going to be great next week!

  4. It's like you've been sent from the great wheat and dairy beyond to torment me. Everything was kind of a blur after that photograph:)

    And, yeah, I hate this end-of-summer-school-is-about-to-start period. Sounds like you have massive first-year classes - do they give you teaching assistants, at least? I'm okay with 25 or so, but more than that would make me very nervous, too.

    Here's to an EASY semester with smart, funny, respectful students who all get along together, classes which practically teach themselves and a baby on the very near horizon.

  5. i'm handling my fear of school starting by being in complete denial about it. LA LA LA!

    you're intimidating me with your balanced diet up there. sugar cane, cocoa beans, wheat flour -- all those vegetables! you some kind of a health nut?

  6. I'm with you, B. I'm starting at a new school in September that's going to require a veritable daily commute-a-thon, and it's so much nicer to stay in bed with a fuzzy puppy on my pillow than to get up at buttcrack o'clock and do battle on the roadways. Ugh. Promise that, regardless of gender, you'll name your first baby Spike? It just seems like the right thing to do.

  7. Poor bunny. Sympathies. I nearly DIED the few times I had to teach. I aged about 50 years, just looking at the sea of faces.

    Had to look up trapper keeper. Ah! A folder, why didn't you say? Sounded like some traditional device handed down from the pilgrims for catching raccoons, or something.

    ps. Chocolate ganache tart. Looks so delicious, must be good for you.

  8. I adore your balanced diet!

    I can almost feel the excitement/tension/fear/thrill that this time of year brings to teachers and students alike. When I was teaching full time, this is the time of year that brought all those feelings to life.

    I hope the universe grants your request and you have a great year!

  9. You're quite the chef, Mrs. Bunny. I would love to be in your class! I'm sure you're a great professor and the students love you. Here's to an awesome semester and cool school supplies! Keep those spikes away and don't be stressin', m'lady.

    P.S.- And if you're going to be posting all these super yummy pictures of food, you, at the very least, should include the recipe. ;) Greedy.

  10. I'd be scared, too!!! I only ever taught 2 classes (well, it was the same class, but I taught it twice), and since it was Behavioral Ecology, it was wildly popular for an upper-div course (because we learned about things like hermaphroditic flatworms that battle with their penises in a true swordfight-- their semen is highly acidic, so rather than intercourse, they just shoot wads of semen at each other, which burns its way through the body wall so the sperm can get to the egg (the vagina has already been diverted to the digestive organs). Clearly no one wants to be the 'female' in this species!

    Anyways, who wouldn't want to learn stuff like that, instead of, say, virology? So there were like 200 kids in there each time. TERROR!!! The worst was forgetting what I was about to say, which happened about 3 times per quarter. Luckily the lapse never got uncomfortably long, but I was about ready to slit my wrists with fear that it would...

    Yes, I agree that this kind of terror is not good for the uterine spikes! But it WILL be fun and rewarding, too, especially after that first dreaded day.

    P.S. Your tart looks amazing!!!

  11. Bunny, you need to stop posting pictures of delicious food NOW! You're making me SO HUNGRY! Ugh, I have to go to the bakery now, thanks a lot.

    (and good luck with your stage fright... and your uterus spikes!)

  12. Bunny, you are making me so hungry with all these amazingly gorgeous and delicious looking desserts.

    I'm pretty scared of public speaking as well so I understand how much stress it would put you under especially leading up to that first day. but you, dear bunny, are smart and funny and the students have to love you and your class. You'll be awesome

  13. I've drawn your future baby and family on my peechee (along with moustaches and devil horns on those runners). And given that I write my future husbands name and that will come true (hi Kelly Slater, you are gonna love me, I like the bald men and don't care if you are sloppy seconds after Pam A. had her way with you).

    I've also written Bunny is having a baby in 2011 on the side of my favorite Cons. So, get on that because the whole school is gonna know. ;)

    I hate to speak in front of people, but I have a trick. I hate to sing in front of people even more than speaking. So I work myself up into a butterfly belly frenzy and intensify that with imagining I'm getting up there to sing. When I get up and just talk, I feel so much better. But, I'm also hoping for some bright cool kids in these classes that make you feel more yourself and way less stressed about being on stage.

  14. I haven't thought of Trapper Keeper's for years. Thanks for the laugh! Yeah, I get the August blues too.

  15. I miss trapper keepers. I loved buying a new one every sept.
    I am wondering what classes you actually teach. Seeing as we are in the same field, with clearly different roles. I wish you tons of luck with the semester. I can imagine that starting up again not in the place in your life that you want to be is just hard. Its like Ground Hog's Day all over again (and again and again).
    Your desserts look amazing, did you make that one too? I am so impressed.

  16. I think the uterine spikes need a lion shave like my kitty had. I can give you the name of the groomer if you want. Although, you must address the clinical implications of the spikes including efficacious treatments in the
    6,182 pages of your recent article in the Journal of Sterility and Fertility. In fact, if the uterine spikes don't respond to that chocolate ganache tart with cream and raspberries, I don't know what will. That looks amazing! And, I'm coming over for dinner.

    In terms of returning to your teaching, I can appreciate how apprehensive you feel. I sometimes think it's the transition that's the hardest. Like when I go swimming, I always find that going from being dry to being wet is really the toughest part. Once I'm in the water swimming, I'm happy as a clam (a swimming kind of clam). Going back to teaching in January after the Holidays probably isn't as hard as going back in September. Just got to get through the first few weeks. I wish you well in that transition. I've got very strong suspicions that you are very good at what you do.

  17. I can totally get behind that diet.

    I also hear you on the stage fright thing. As part of my job, I have to regularly get up in front of a class of about 10 people to do orientations/etc. To most people, this would be no big deal. To me, though, it's like reliving middle school speech class all over again.

  18. I don't know how you do it. :) I took a teaching class after getting my Bachelors thinking I wanted to teach...and the first time I had to get in front of the class to present a math problem taught four different ways...I panicked and said...not for me. :)

    I wish I had words of wisdom for that particular issue but being a super shy computer geek I can't help much :)

    Thank you for commenting on my blog!

    Your tart looks delicious!

  19. I feel silly that I got so caught up with identifying with the grumble-factor of going back to teaching after a break that I didn't even comment on your tart. YUM! Dat's some tasty nutrition right there. Keep the purdy, tummy-rumbling pics coming!

  20. Ooh that tart looks so yummy. I hope teaching this semester goes well. I'm sure you will do great.

  21. Trapper keepers! We used to make forts with them by setting them up vertically to divide the stupid big tables we had instead of desks. Then inside the trapper keepers we would set up our markers and glue like sentinels...good times.

    Good luck with the start of school. We're bracing for it here too. Starting next week my office will be full of freshmen wondering if this is where their English class meets. ("No, sweetie, didn't the Community Outreach sign clue you in? Well then, how about the multi-line phone ringing off the hook or the copier, or the LACK OF DESKS?")

  22. Uterine Spikes!!!

    I honestly don't know how you do it. The thought of standing up in front of 100 people and speaking makes me want to pull my teeth out. I am such a public speaking wimp. Ohhh, so scary.

    The tart looks perfect, you really need to live closer to me so you can pop in and bring me lovely edible treats like that to eat. And we can sit around and moan and complain about lacking growth in our uterus's. I make a great cup of tea (or vodka).

    Seriously though, its your time Bunny. I know you want the IUI to work but I REALLY want it for you too. I need you to get pregnant so I can have faith that it does indeed happen within the blogs I read. And I hope the universe is listening....maybe if you bribe it with some of your delicious baking???