I made the mistake of e-mailing Mr. Bunny (who is traveling) about how well I was doing getting back on Ohio time. Sure enough, I woke up (irreversibly) at 4:30 this morning. I know how important it is not to congratulate yourself on jetlag recovery, but I did it anyway. STUPID! Also, over the past year or so my stupid full bladder has started waking me up around 5 or 6. I hoped that maybe with the removal of my meatballs this would go away. Nope. Still waking up needing to pee. NOT A FAN! It would be fine if I were gestating a fetal human or some shit, but waking up just because I'm an old lady is laaaaaaame and depressing. I've tried not drinking anything after a certain time of night, but then I just get horribly thirsty and end up chugging water as though I've just crawled across a burning wasteland. And maybe if my life were filled with unicorns and rainbows I'd just go back to sleep, but as it is, the moment I become conscious, worries flood in with amazing velocity. OhmygodihavetoteachagainsoonandineedtofinishthatpaperSTATandi'llnevergetpregnantandi'maviodingmybestfriend'semailsbecauseihate thinkingaboutherstupidbabyandOWmybladderandwhydidisaythatthingtothatpersoanandihavesomuchironingtodoand, on this particular morning, please let cycle day one hold off until tomorrow, as that would make me pretty secure about actually having some sperm around on the day I'm likely to need it. Fucking timing. So sick of worrying about timing.
(Speaking of timing, yeah, my understanding is that I can't go straight to IVF because I need to heal a bit more before my ovaries get all inflated like balloons. I think my RE likes to do everything he can to protect his clinic's IVF success rates, and to the extent that this makes me more likely to be part of the lucky 50%, I'm on board. I think after this IUI I'll schedule a consult to get a timeline down.)
You can blackmail or threaten your bladder like you did your pituitary gland?
ReplyDeleteGlad you're getting back on the ART train with some IUI. And IVF in November seems so SOON! Yet far away enough that IUI can hopefully get the job done first.
I am so sorry about the peeing and worry that follows. I pee several times per night b/c like you I am an old lady. It sucks. I hope the timing works out for you guys and that there is no need to move to IVF in November. Can your husband leave frozen swimmers so that you can do the IUI with or without him?
ReplyDeleteOh, GROAN!! I hope you get some good, uninterrupted sleep soon. And I hope it feels good to get back to your ART. The August panic has settled in around here too.
ReplyDeleteI hate jetlag. It blows. And it gets worse the older I am, so that I figure by the time I hit my fifties I won't be sleeping at all. Great.
ReplyDeleteYour nervous thoughts follow a similar pattern to mine. They're no fun, and I hope things iron out soon. I also think your doctor's thinking makes a lot of sense and - as you point out - you want to be a part of that lovely 50%.
if it's any consolation, i passed out at 8pm last night for reasons i cannot fathom. so, i was up bright and early at 5am with nothing to do. i tried to poke my hubby awake, but he was dead to the world, so i went to watch tv. thank god for dvr!
ReplyDeletei, too, wake up religiously at 4-6am for my first pee. i've tried everything to get through the whole night without peeing, but to no avail. but since i've been like this my whole life, i'm kinda used to it now. whenever i travel with friends, everyone knows i need the bed nearest the bathroom. that's just how i roll :o)
DO NOT MENTION THE END OF SUMMER! IT IS FAR IN THE DISTANCE! LALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
ReplyDeleteOh I HATE jetlag. Adele is right -- it gets worse as we age (and as I am now officially middle aged or some crap like that, it kicks my ass every time). And as for the peeing in the middle of the night? I started that about a year ago and it won't go away. It makes me soooo sad, because I used to be the best sleeper ever, and now? Now I get up to go to the bathroom and then am UP. And so I read the NYTimes on bberry, and some blogs, and think about how tired I am going to be when my alarm rings later, and then get all into a tizzy about how I. Must. Sleep., which only means that I can't sleep even more.
ReplyDeleteI hope that timing works for you and that your "there are fucking pregnant people everywhere" streak comes to an end soon. Hopefully they will all start covering up with big sweaters soon and we won't see them.
PS: welcome home -- we missed you!
Yeah I hear you on the not being able to sleep once all the thoughts start racing in. It's 1am here. Ugh.
ReplyDeleteJetlag sucks, worrying about timing sucks. I hope CD1 holds off til tomorrow.
Jetlag is the devil. And I've noticed it's only getting worse with age - yep, another depressing reminder of getting older. Should get better in a few days...although I can't say the same for the early morning pee breaks.
ReplyDeleteI'm an old lady too, as defined by early morning pee breaks. Welcome to the crowd. And then I get the busy brain that keeps me awake thinking about the day. Aaagh!
ReplyDeleteBunny, I've always had to get up to pee around 3 or 4 times per night. Now it's more like 15. I am serious.
ReplyDeleteAnd of course each episode is flanked by horrible worries... which is why I keep novels by my bed, so I can read instead of think. It seems to work well, although I don't know how healthy it is that I basically try to avoid ALL thoughts. Too bad booze is out of the picture for me these days, as it is a powerful ally in the fight against thought.
I'm hoping that this is the last cycle you ever have to worry about timing, and I also hope that you become enlightened and throw away your iron in favor of the rumpled look!
Sorry the jetlag is still affecting you. The minute I wake up all my worries flood my head as well.
ReplyDeleteGirl, you aint seen 40 yet.
ReplyDeleteNow that is a suckwad.
It's good new that your RE wants to stack the cards in your favour. IUIs in the meantime = not so bad.
ReplyDeleteFor some reason its actually getting to sleep that I struggle with. Thats when my evil thoughts start a hostile take over. Maybe its cause we spend so much time trying to pretend we're ok and avoiding stuff that when we actaully do wind down our brain leaps into action and starts worrying automatically.
ReplyDeleteSorry your bladder won't give you a break. Maybe because your bladder is so close to your ovaries they are probably good friends so when the bladder heard that your ovaries were rebelling against the system it thought it would do the cool thing and be the same. Peer pressure and all that.
xxx