So when you finally get pregnant after not-really-that-long-when-you-are-able-to-have-some-perspective-on-the-whole-thing, you get to experience things you've read about and dreamed about so wistfully. Like telling your partner about a positive test. As you know, that was not the romantic vision that I'd anticipated, and I don't care. But one of the next thrilling events is supposed to be telling your loved ones, right? You think about who you'll tell first and how excited they'll be and blah blah blah.
Well, I blew it. You see, I had coffee with the Lady Professors. I'm fond of the Lady Professors, and we're close enough that they know about my struggles, but we're completely not Real Friends. We're Close Work Friends: you know a lot about each other, but don't really want to take things to the next level. Before going to meet them I told myself, Bunny, you're going to want to tell, but you mustn't. And I tried to keep the conversation away from myself, but LP1 starting really pressing about my reproductive plans. And before I was able to stop myself, out came the truth. On the one hand, no big deal. I'd want them to know if I had a miscarriage, so it's not that I'm worried about telling them so early. On the other hand, why does a random group of women know this amazing secret?
(In case it's not obvious, you guys are not a random group of women. Your my Special Secret Anonymous Friends! Even though that sounds like I'm touching you in your private place and trying to convince you not to tell your parents.)
Also, I can't tell Mr. Bunny I spilled the beans. He's enjoying the just-between-us nature of the situation and would feel betrayed. So I feel like a terrible lying traitor, too. This is probably coming off all waaah, poor me, I told the wrong people about my pregnancy! I DO realize this is not a genuine problem. I guess I'm just eternally surprised that Life ≠ Imagination.
Oh my gooooosh, I was dying reading this b/c I so feel you. I went to lunch with my high school BFF last week and was thinking the same EXACT thing....you're going to want to tell her and you have to stay strong and keep it in. I lucked out b/c she'd been away for a month and so we mostly caught up on her travels. (It's much easier when the convo doesn't come back to you at all!) I have also gotten a few email pregnancy announcements and I'm all dying to be like, "HEEEEEY, me too, me too." But I insist on keeping it inside.
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, we were very mellow about telling our sibs and parents. No delivering of "Proud grandma/grandpa/uncle/aunt" onsies or all of the other adorably cute stuff I've read on blogs. I guess that's just how we roll...?
Such a weird thing, agreed. But I'm glad you have some IRL supporters!!! Have you told BFB yet?
This is so funny, Bunny! I think it makes sense that that random group of women is a lot like this random group of women in some ways. You can tell us/them whatever you want, but we don't come home with you (ever).
ReplyDeleteI personally think it's great that you are feeling confident enough to tell. I just told people at work, like, YESTERDAY, and I still felt like 'oh shit, now if the baby drops dead tomorrow I'll have to explain to everyone...' And that really is tiring to think all the time. I think your attitude is better.
AND there are still plenty of rainbows and unicorns about. But they are just a lot smaller than we thought they'd be. :)
P.s. I am reviewing an article right now that is SO AWFUL that I now feel immensely better about the gibberish that my pregnant brain is manufacturing. This article is written by a MAN, too, so I know doesn't have this excuse. If he deserves a career in science, then why shouldn't I?
heehee. i like the special secret anonymous friends bit. "sounds dirtay" was my thought as i finished reading that paragraph :o)
ReplyDeletedon't be so hard on yourself for spilling the beans!!! this has never happened to you before, and then you throw in some nosy ppl, and you were *bound* to tell them!! sometimes our mouths betray us bc our brains don't think fast enough. i hear you that you can't tell mr bunny about spilling the beans. i'm constantly telling dh that something is an absolute secret, then i find myself telling my sister. and a friend. then another friend. sometimes i wish i'd get a shock (just a mild one) every time i open my mouth when i shouldn't. although, i *do* think that telling coworkers is different than telling *real* ppl. at least, i tell that to myself constantly :o)
Let me share my opinion by using a psychology experiment analogy. No matter what kind of research you do, Bunny, I am certain that you pilot your [surveys, experiment] before calling in the participants. Consider the disclosure to the LP group a pilot. Good that you did it early, because now you know what works and what doesn't, and you can keep working on all the details. You'll be ready for your first participants in this experiment in about 5 weeks, but until then, you've got good pilot data to look at. Yeah you!
ReplyDeleteOh yeah...that's how it goes, a total stranger was one of the 1st people to know I was prego--the owner of a local lovely B and B where we sometimes go for dinner and knows I love the vino and hence kept tying to pour me some until I finally said "I can't I'm pregnant!" kinda akward, oh well, so happy for you what a nice problem to have.
ReplyDeleteI have accidently told work collegues and a few close pals too! Hubbs is not happy about it...so lie to the death to your husband! I wish my husband didn't know that I told people!!! But it's so hard not to share it when people are pressing you about it - especially those who know the struggles you've gone through or the treatments you were doing.
ReplyDeleteIt's weird who eventually gets on the "in the know" list and how HARD it is not to tell everyone. Point in fact, after swearing to myself that I will not make predictions about a particular cycle, I can't seem to stop my hands from typing, "I think this may be the month" all over my blog. While I wish I didn't have that tendency, I am glad to have the blogosphere where I can safely unload.
ReplyDeleteAs for hubby ... ignorance is bliss. He'll never know the difference
I responded to your comment on my blog-- click back over and see what you think.
ReplyDeleteI'll be very interested to see how you respond to this pregnancy. Like others have said in comments to a previous post of yours, it sucks when IF-ers get pregnant and suddenly they start ONLY reporting milestones: My baby is the size of a houseplant! (other bunny fans: please don't be offended if you are reading this and you have done that. I respect your blog and your excitement about how big your baby is getting- freaking amazing stuff. I just want to know your deeper thoughts and feelings, too!!! This isn't a 100% roses experience, and the non-roses parts are the most important parts to discuss here). Anyways, bunny, I know you will report this experience of pregnant-after-IF (or just pregnant, period) honestly. And I look forward to reading it.
Oh yeah, and Oxford PI dude was the first person who *I* told. I also told him about the miscarriages. Sorta awkward...
ReplyDeleteYou are a TRIP Bunny. You crack me up! I am so HAPPY for you!!!
ReplyDeleteOk, That third paragraph has me cracking up. I've tried not to tell too many people, but have totally failed as well. I think I've told like 20 people. Oh well.
ReplyDeleteOh, great, burst my bubble! :-) And here I was thinking that pregnancy would be all smocked blouses and pastel-colored wall stencils. You seem to be saying that it resembles...real life! Next you'll tell me there's no Easter Bunny.
ReplyDeleteI think telling the Lady Professors was probably a good thing. It's like a warm-up for telling the really important people in your life. And what Mr. Bunny doesn't know won't hurt him!
Holy crap you are funny.
ReplyDeleteThis is right up there with the special ovens.
Holy shit. The Lady Profs are lucky to be IRL friends, even if you secretly like us better.
Thanks for the pre-bed chuckle, Bunny. Sorry you spilled the babybeans before you might ideally have wanted to, but hopefully the LPs are cognizant of the great honor you've bestowed upon them and will have the good sense to treat The Secret and you accordingly.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad I can be a Special Secret Anonymous Friend.
ReplyDeleteIt's very hard not to tell - but I agree with what someone said above - romantic delusions be damned, this is reality after all.
Oh you're a funny Bunny!
ReplyDeleteAnd it is annoying that imagination does not equal real life but then I have never been a true romantic so I am more a sucker for real life truths, so your telling story meant more to me than if there were unicorns jumping about sniffing butterflies. I think it happened perfectly, and I like the fact that you accidently told them, it's so cute. Think of it as a practice session for when you tell your "real" friends.
And I agree with Leslie, we want to hear ALL of Bunny's thoughts. Pregnant or not, you're still our Bunny.
xx
I had similar guilt-ridden, awkward disclosure, too: I was volunteering for a car seat campaign, and I was supposed to be climing in and out of cars, lifting car seats and installing them, etc. for families in the middle of June's heat. I told the director of this event that I couldn't do this part of the event because of some "medical concerns"--you know, trying to be vague and all--and several people came up to me later that day and said, "We're so sorry to hear that you hurt your back! What happened?" Apparently medical concerns = injured back? This felt all wrong to me, so I begrudgingly, but coolly said, "Oh no, I'm expecting, that's all." And it felt like 1)I was saying this pregnancy was insignificant and 2)they really didn't deserve to know this juicy little secret. I kind of regretting telling them at the time because I had told no one else outside of very close friends and some family. WEIRD.
ReplyDeleteAnd I didn't even make an announcement at work, really. 'Cause I'm a twatface. I just waited until folks finally came to me and directly asked if I was pregnant (instead of those beating-around-the-bush questions that most people asked me) and then I would tell them. In fact, one of my coworkers just came up to me yesterday and said, "I didn't even know you were pregnant until so-and-so told me!"
I guess my point is that the vision seems to rarely unfold in the way you've crafted with your imagination... Even still, I wouldn't change it in any way whatsoever. It's all still romantic to me.
Special Secret Anonymous friends are the bestest. :)
Those slips are inevitable, so don't be hard on yourself about it. Yeah, it's strange for the secret to fly out (but hard not to let it when you're being directly asked...what are you going to do? Lie overtly? That's also tough because the truth will come out...literally:)).
ReplyDeleteYou managed to put that in such a funny way. Hope the Lady Professors can keep a secret (at least from Mr. Bunny).
ReplyDeleteI love being your special secret anonymous friend!...which just reminded me that I used to have a coloring book of "bad touches," which I now realize is incredibly fucking weird.
ReplyDeleteBut anyway, back to you-- no need to feel guilty about this slip, Bunny. Shit happens.
I laughed at this, because I do this kind of thing too. The last time was a couple years ago when a few other faculty and I went away to a teaching conference, and I ended up telling someone I don't even like that much about my divorce a couple years prior. What the hell?!?
ReplyDelete