Of my SEMESTER. You probably thought I was talking about babies. As if. I have a rich and fascinating life that does not revolve around babies.
That was a joke, in case my deadpan humor did not translate. Anyway, I'm starting to get into the rhythm of my semester. Both my classes seem to have a reasonable dynamic, and although I'm still very nervous about standing up there in my large class, I thought the worst was over. But last night I had another classic anxiety dream in which I couldn't get some piece of classroom technology to work, and was getting increasingly freaked out. And then I had an orgasm in my sleep. Because it turns out I have a fetish for being terrified in front of a lecture hall full of undergraduates. So of course it woke me up, and I was like AAAHHH! There's something IN that uterus! It shouldn't be contracting! AAAH! What have I done! But it wasn't my fault! I didn't mean to! I've made a pact with myself not to google /pubmed anything baby related. I know there's a world of fear out there, and I've got enough of my own without going looking. But if anyone happens to know of studies indicating that sleep orgasms in week four have no detrimental effects on an embryo, feel free to hook me up.*
This is going to be a bit of a mélange of a post.
Ever since That Fateful Tuesday, I've been waking up around 3am. It's like I was instantly conditioned to think that waking up at 3 results in wonderful things. So my brain is like WHAT WILL TODAY BRING! A PONY? But all it brings is a trip to the bathroom and a day of exhaustion, because of course I can't fall asleep again for an hour, and then I wake up at six. And today I officially switched to decaf. I know there's caffeine in decaf coffee. In fact, I'm counting on that small amount to stave off a withdrawal headache. I'll keep you posted on this exciting detail.
Finally, I meant to mention in the list of things I've learned since Tuesday that I am finally convinced a girl can be pregnant without feeling anything different from any other cycle. I had pretty much come to believe it after repeatedly reading posts where a woman was like I'm definitely getting my period tomorrow and then, the next day, OMG I'm pregnant! But I tell you, everything was exactly the same as always, down to the very specific cramps I get right before I'm due. So I'm now a True Believer in the doctrine of If You Feel Exactly Like Always, That Don't Mean Shit. (Though this obviously only applies to people who have not been pregnant before.)
Anyway, I'm looking forward to several days of being able to assume I have an embryo in my uterus, barring evidence to the contrary (e.g., geysers of blood), and of fun stuff like walking to the store to buy toilet paper.
*HA! I happen to know that there are no such studies, due to exhaustive research on everything related to implantation.